Miss You More (Lerrans)

She couldn't sleep. That damn voice wouldn't leave her alone. It just kept whispering to her about how it was her fault that her father was dead, that JJ had been attacked and that Rosie had gotten into a fight with another vampire. And all Savannah could do was lie in her bed, staring up at her ceiling as she refused to cry, holding onto Ross much too tight.

His mewls of protest barely registered in her head as the whispers were all that she could hear. All Savannah could do was shake her head and mutter words of protest at the lies that were being spewed in her own head. She couldn't take this anymore. Pulling herself out of bed, she let go of Ross, who simply curled up into a tighter ball on her pillow.

Staggering down the stairs, she sat down at a table in the kitchen, rubbing her temples. Get out of my head, she thought bitterly, please.

Not happening, Savannah.

Gritting her teeth, she shook her head before turning around, grabbing herself a glass of water and staring at it. Dully registering the sound of their grandfather clock chiming the hour, she frowned slightly at the time before a sick, twisted laughter was ripped from her throat. It was midnight, and officially July 18. Picking up her glass of water, she saluted, giggling, "Happy Deathday Daddy."

Julie lay in bed, her body dripped of sweat. She twisted and turned while the tears flowed fast down her cheeks. It was July 16. The death day of Scott's death day. It was the same show every time that day. The meaning of life disappeared, his legs weakened. The rise was pointless. Like a doll Julie lay in bed. Not even did she called and reported herself sick to work. Not that it was needed, they already knew. People had since the beginning of the week sent food and flowers in order to show their support.

She wanted to scream, high and never stop. She wanted to take pills to never wake up again. The loss of Scott was to big to live through. Savannah would make it on her own. And on the table beside the bed an orange little jar filled with old strong painkillers stood. Easily she reached for the can and swallowed them all.

She felt sick. Why the hell was she laughing? It wasn't that she planned it, but the echoes of her laughter found their way back to her ears. Shuddering, Savannah glanced around the kitchen for a moment. Her mother was home, wasn't she? She couldn't have not heard her laughing for Merlin's sake.

But she wasn't here. Why wasn't she here? Pulling herself up from her seat, Savannah made her way up to her mother's bedroom. Standing in the doorway, the dark haired girl peered in. "Mummy?"

Staring at the bottle of pills - the empty bottle of pills - by her mother, she stared from the bottle to her mother. She just stood there, unable to move, unable to think. All she could look at was her mother.

You're an idiot, Savannah. She just tried to kill herself and you're just staring at her? No wonder your dad died. You freeze up. How are you a Gryffindor again?

"Shut up," Savannah said, flicking on the lights in the room. Running back to her room, she grabbed her wand off her bedside table. Scrambling back, she stared at her mother for a moment before sitting down beside her on the bed, "Mum, please. You - you can't die on me. Please mom. Just - just listen to me. To my voice. You - can't. You can't die. Not today. Not now. Please."

Staring down at her wand, she looked from it to her mother, panic in her eyes as tears began to stream down her cheeks. She couldn't do anything. There was no spell she knew that could save her mother from dying. All she could do was - "Wait a minute," She muttered, "I can do something.

Pulling herself off the bed, she stared at her mother for a moment before pointing her wand at her, "W - Wingardium Leviosa."

Somewhere in Julie's consciousness, she saw a light. And the closer she came the stronger it became. It shone brightly, warming her antibody. She was filled with joy and happiness, and her body more readily than ever.

A face discerned from the clear light, Scott. '' Oh, Scott, Scott!'' She Cheered while she quickly rushed to the light. But something took a hold of her ankles and she fell headlong into a bottomless black hole.

With a heavy shake she woke up and coughed up the painkillers. She was floating, inches over her bed and she came to the conclusion that she was dead. Tears flooded down her cheeks and she turned her head to the side.

''Vanna.. Vanna!'' She cried out. No, if she was dead and Vanna was here. No, this couldn't. ''Oh Vanna, what happened? Why did we die?''

"Daddy," Savannah muttered, staring at her mother cheer his name. She really wanted to die. Swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat, she continued staring at her mother, wishing and praying that she'd be alright.

Wincing as her mother threw up on her bed, Savannah flicked her wand, letting her mother fall back onto her bed, allowing herself to breath again.

"Mum?" She said cautiously, taking a step towards her, shaking her head softly, "We - we're not dead. I - I saved you." Smiling slightly, she looked at her mother, relief flooding into the expression on her face.

She fell back onto the bed, sighting softly. The pills were out of her system and her daughter had- Oh dear Merlin. Her daughter had seen this. Her failed suicide attempt. Quickly she sat up and smiled towards her daughter.

''Oh Savannah.'' She said giggling lightly. ''I happened to take a few to many of those pills. How incredible silly of me, dont you think? Bad headache and troubles sleeping.'' Julie spoke faster as she went on, trying to sound normal and not high pitch her voice. ''What time is it? Should I make breakfast? I think we have enough supplies to make pancakes, your favorite.''

With her wand she cleaned up the puke in her bed and walked out of bed standing infront of the mirror, fixing her messy hair into a strict bun. Her official work hair-do.

"A - A few too many?" Savannah raised an eyebrow, unable to keep the growl from her voice as she picked up the empty pill bottle, staring at it, "You - you took all of them. That's a little bit more than a few, don't you think?" Gripping the bottle, she took a shuddering breath, trying to calm down.

"It's midnight," she frowned, crossing her arms, "And I'm not hungry." And pancakes aren't my favourite, waffles are.

Moving to stand beside her mother, she stared at their reflections in the mirror for a moment.

She hates you, you know. She cheered when thinking of your dad, but freaked out when she saw you. She prefers someone dead over her own daughter.

Inhaling deeply, Savannah bit her tongue to keep herself from screaming. Rubbing her wrists, she croaked, "Shouldn't we - I mean, I obviously wouldn't know - but - St. Mungos?" Flicking her blue eyes to meet her mother's, she burst into tears, wrapping her arms around her mother's waist, "Because - because you - you....."

Savannah trailed off, unable to form words through her sobs.

''Now aren't you overexaggerating only a bit? There were only a few pills left hun, three or four at the most. Nothing to worry about okay?'' She shook her head smiling sadly at her wicked daughter. Julie needed to make sure that Savannah believed every word said now, because if her daughter walked around thinking that Julie wanted to kill herself- That would be bad, very bad.

''Midnight eh? How foolish of me to think it was breakfast. But now that we are- Hey, what were you doing up at this unmerlin hour?'' She eyed Savannah. Had she been crying? Somethiing was wrong, but she didn't feel like she could reach out and help, It was like her daughter had trapped herself within a cage. Only to be alone.

''But Savannah?'' Julie poorly wrapped her arms around her daughter as she awkwardly patted her back. She hadn't seen Savannah show this much affection for years. ''Whats wrong?''

Resisting the urge to fling the bottle across the room, Savannah raised an eyebrow, unable to hide the sardonic tone in her voice, "Oh, I'm so sorry mother. Next time, I won't worry at all."

Shrugging, Savannah closed her eyes for a moment, flashing back to that damn forest in her head. "I couldn't sleep," she muttered, reopening her blue eyes to look at her mother accusatorly, "But you would know that if you weren't so busy."

Stiffening in her mother's arms, Savannah raised her tearstained face, "What - what do you mean what's wrong? You - you tried to kill yourself." Am I that terrible that you'd rather die than be my mother?

She looked with a wondering look at her daughter. ''What do you mean now? I'm not busy. What have you not been telling me Savannah?'' Julie was confused as she stood, arms wrapped around her daughter. What had she not been telling her?

''Savvanah!'' She said with a serious voice. ''I did not try to kill myself.''

"Well, what do you want to know?" Savannah asked, raising an eyebrow before shaking her head, "What do you know about me, anyway? Do you know what house I'm in at Hogwarts? Do you know who my friends are?"

Friends? You count a five year old as a friend?

Biting her tongue, Savannah sunk a little further into her mother's hug, "So you just take a million pills for fun?"

''Of course I do. You got sorted into Slytherin, just as I did. And concerning friends, you have never told me about anyone.'' She said smiling, putting on a cardigan for it was cold in her bedroom.

''No more speak about this nonsense Savannah. Let's go down and eat something.''

Slytherin? Was - was she serious? Fists clenching, Savannah glanced around the room, dead set on breaking something. Stepping towards the mirror, she stood beside it, flickering her gaze back to her mother. "For your information, I'm a Gryffindor. Which you would know if you cared about me."

Fingers curling around the frame of the large mirror, she shook her head. "I'm not hungry. And I don't want to go anywhere with you." And with those words, she pushed as hard as she could against the mirror, bringing it toppling over, shattering into little pieces of glass.