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    What's a God to a Nonbeliever?

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    Karmzy
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    What's a God to a Nonbeliever?

    Post by Karmzy on Fri Jan 25, 2013 2:49 am

    It was odd, really, that this was the place she found peace. Odd that she didn't burst into flame as she stepped onto holy ground. Odd that thunder didn't crash from the heavens and lightning didn't strike her where she stood.

    Karma Black had dressed in a sky blue summer dress for today, forgoing the familiarity of black. White ballet flats adorned her feet, and with her hair pulled back with a hair band, she looked younger than she did usually. She had sat through the pastor's sermon, listening with the studious intensity that she gave History of Magic or old fantasy books. It was interesting, at least, but she could see why they would want the convience- believing in a higher power made the bad things you did seem just that much more terrible, and in turn made doing nothing but keeping that darkness inside seem heavenly. You would always be forgiven.

    But if you were always forgiven, why would you bother to be good in the first place?

    She stayed sitting as the rest stood around her, her place in the back of the church becoming more obvious as the chapel emptied, the two hour Sunday service ending with a chorus of supposedly angelic voices. She watched them move before standing, moving toward the alter. Considering the speed in which the church had been rebuilt, she figured either the pity of the big guy's followers was fast pooling, or they'd had some sort of fundraiser. That or she hadn't used enough C4.

    Her eyes swept the clear windows, remembering the mosaics that used to be there. Standing slowly, she trailed a hand over the back of the pew in front of her, she walked to the alter. She couldn't say it hadn't been rebuilt beautifully, and she supposed that it wasn't that bad a new skin, shinier, though still traditional. She liked it.

    Stopping before the alter, she gave the thinly cushioned wood that she was supposed to kneel on a contemplating look before doing so. She tested the position before clasping her hands together, looking up at the domed ceiling and wondering if she was just imagining the fresh cement smell.

    Now what?


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    Germano Valdez
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    Re: What's a God to a Nonbeliever?

    Post by Germano Valdez on Fri Jan 25, 2013 3:13 am

    Germano fought off a wince as the double doors opened with a loud banging noise that echoed through the building, followed by the painful creak of the doors closing. He hated noise in a church. It was the one thing that reminded him that it wasn't just some separate reality, that the wood and the glass and the cheap bibles were all physical things. If it wasn't perfectly silent, the man found it hard to believe that God could actually hear anything he was trying to say.

    It was for that reason that Germano only ever attended church far after any ceremonies had ended. He hadn't so much as spoken to a priest in several years. So he was rather disappointed when he saw the young girl kneeling at the altar. "You'll just have to wait papa," He thought, as the clicking of his shoes signalled his approach.

    He stopped a few feet away from the girl after being hit with a sudden sensation- something he'd never really felt before. Whenever he was around Tovia, Germano felt an abundance of energy. But this girl... it was as if placed at her center was a feeble little black hole, one that slowly chipped away at the life of the room. It was barely noticeable, but it made him sad.

    He continued to approach her, this time more slowly, a small smile on his face. "Are you not praying because you don't want to? Or is it because you don't know how?"


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    Re: What's a God to a Nonbeliever?

    Post by Karmzy on Fri Jan 25, 2013 3:31 am

    Her head canted to the side slightly, and she turned to look at the man, sniffing the air curiously before she tilted her head to the side. Brown eyes went from him, back skyward, a small shrug adorning her shoulders as she stood with a small sigh. "I don't have to know how. He's never listened to me, why would he start now?" She shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself and turning. She had barely taken a step before she paused.

    "You smell angelic." She observed, frowning and turning back toward him.


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    Re: What's a God to a Nonbeliever?

    Post by Germano Valdez on Fri Jan 25, 2013 3:46 am

    Germano returned her shrug, staring up at the ceiling with her. "Your guess is as good as mine," He said, his spanish accent rolling the words off of his tongue like a conveyer belt set to speed that's too high, "Actually, from what I've seen so far, God doesn't care about any of us at all." He thought of Tovia's harshly placid manner, the way she wouldn't so much as cringe at the worst atrocities. He shrugged again, "But I suppose it's nice to believe in something. It keeps you sane."

    Germano turned to face the girl, his frown one of surprise, "Was that a euphemism for something? Because I know for a fact I really can't afford to smell good right now."


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    Re: What's a God to a Nonbeliever?

    Post by Karmzy on Fri Jan 25, 2013 8:20 pm

    Karma shrugged again. "I'm here for the body in the basement." The joke was feeble, because the mausoleum in the basement was older than time itself. No one had been there in ages, she was sure. She ran a hand through her hair, though below the headband it really didn't do much but slightly sooth her agitation. Licking her lips, she shrugged again, looking up at the ceiling once more.

    "A euphemism?" She asked blankly, gazing at him blankly before snorting. "You smell angelic. Like an angel. Have you been hanging around with some of Raphael's kindred?"


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    Re: What's a God to a Nonbeliever?

    Post by Germano Valdez on Fri Jan 25, 2013 11:32 pm

    Germano narrowed his eyes at her for a few moments. "The body," He whispered to himself, trying hard to understand what she meant. He was rather unfamiliar with this church, and this was the first he'd heard of a basement, nevermind the body thing. He tilted his head. Maybe this was some sort of English expression that he just didn't know about.

    "Well, yes. One." He said with a grin, "And in all the time I've spent with her, never once have I smelled anything out of the ordinary." Germano tilted his head slightly towards the ceiling so he could look down at her suspiciously, a smirk still present on his face, "I'm starting to think you're more than just some girl in a church."


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    Re: What's a God to a Nonbeliever?

    Post by Karmzy on Sat Jan 26, 2013 2:55 am

    "There's a mausoleum downstairs, filled with old stone graves and such." She waved a hand. "It was a joke... though poorly executed I suppose." She shrugged a shoulder, standing finally and folding her hands together in front of her.

    "You shouldn't hang around with angels." She advised, wrapping her arms around herself as she continued to look upward. "Or demons, or any sort of creature, really. They don't want to help people like us. They only want to use us as pawns." She shook her head, turning away from him again.

    "I'm not anything but a girl in a church, searching for some direction." She said softly. "Seeing if there's anything to the myth that peace follows those who come here to repent." Her expression darkened. "I guess I don't deserve peace."


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    Re: What's a God to a Nonbeliever?

    Post by Germano Valdez on Sat Jan 26, 2013 4:42 am

    Germano tilted his head to the side, "I don't want help. Besides," He picked up a bible and began flipping through it idly, "It's not as if I have much of an option. It's either this, or I go back to living on the streets. They're not heroic, and they have no empathy, but I still owe my life to them. Probably in more ways than one."

    "Anyway," He snapped the book closed and tossed it onto one of the seats, "It's not so bad being a pawn. Sometimes they even give you a little nickname."

    His dark brown eyes flitted across the girl's features, catching the shadow that flitted across them. His brow wrinkled for the shortest moment before taking a step towards her, "We all deserve peace. What makes you think you're so different?"


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    Re: What's a God to a Nonbeliever?

    Post by Karmzy on Thu Jan 31, 2013 11:13 pm

    Karma gauged his expression, disliking what she found. His words left a bad taste in her mouth. How could anyone want to be a piece in someone else’s game? How could anyone want to be controlled and used as a means to an end?

    No, she decided, she couldn’t deal with that, and she didn’t believe anyone else should, either.

    “Do you want an option?” She asked, cocking her head to the side slightly. “I, myself like playing a few games, and I know how bad off the pawns are. No one ever really seems to care whether they’re sacrificed or not, as long as the King’s protected.” Her expression darkened again, but it was briefer this time. “You said you don’t want help- fine, don’t take any, but don’t act like you don’t have any options. You don’t want to be on the streets, you can live somewhere else.”

    She snorted, turning away from him again to examine the windows once more. “It never starts out as bad as it gets.”

    Her footsteps paused, her gaze continuing on its path around the higher walls of the room, stopping at the only mosaic left. There were still white spaces – no windows had fully escaped the blast – but there was still the picture of clouds, stained glass rays of sunlight peeking through. Her mouth fell into a thin line, and she shook her head. “I’ve done too much to deserve any sort of peace.” Hands trembling, she smoothed down her dress over her stomach and sighed. “Fell into temptation with a demon, and then with his son, and then the demon again, and I don’t think I’ll ever live it down, not really.” She sighed. “But whatever, it doesn’t matter. I wasn’t here for me.”


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    Re: What's a God to a Nonbeliever?

    Post by Germano Valdez on Fri Feb 01, 2013 12:57 am

    Germano listened to her, his face unchanging, but still receptive. At her statement, he laughed and shook his head, "You're right. I shouldn't act helpless when I'm not. But this is my choice. For the very first time in my life, I feel like I'm actually worth something, and not just someone else's problem." He smiled dazedly at the windows, lost in thought, "It's not ideal, and it's certainly not easy, but it's where I belong."

    He watched the girl with growing curiosity, feeling a soft pang in his heart at the sight of her trembling hands, vaguely wishing he could just will her into a sense of well-being. "But... it's not like that makes you a bad person. If anything... it means you have the capacity for love. It wouldn't be right to punish yourself for that."

    "Who then?" He leaned on the lacquered wood of the church's aisles, giving a small smirk, "And don't say the body in the basement, because you've used that one already."


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    Re: What's a God to a Nonbeliever?

    Post by Karmzy on Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:35 am

    Karma looked from the windows to him, expression blank. For a moment, her composure wavered, sadness obvious in it. "That's the sort of mentality that got me into this mess."

    The laugh she gave was short, forced, and the smile she gave had an ugly twist. "That's how I know you're a good man. No one else would have said that. Love is love, right? But what I felt wasn't love. I know that now. It was adoration. Sick, disgusting, devil worshiping adoration for someone who was wrong for me."

    The expression on her face was automatically locked away, replaced by her usual haughty contempt for the existence of someone such as Germano. A mortal. "My son." Her voice was clipped, a warning clearly audible. She was not going to discuss Adrian. Not here.


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    Re: What's a God to a Nonbeliever?

    Post by Germano Valdez on Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:56 am

    "What if we're wrong, though?" Uncertainty suddenly grabbed hold of the man. A thought that had been chasing him for weeks finally wormed it's way into the open, "The longer I live in this reality, the more it seems it was my destiny to be here. I bet you if I simply walked away right now, they would find a way to pull me in again. Or I'd just be in even greater danger than I was before."

    He sighed and continued to tilt his head towards the ceiling, mumbling to himself, "The angel, she said I was born a prophet. No matter what, they would have found me..."

    "You make it sound as if you've known this life for decades, and yet you couldn't be a day over eighteen." Once again, his curiosity was forcing him into spaces most people would try to leave well enough alone. Then again, it was partially just him wondering aloud, and Germano hardly expected her to answer him, "What could have pulled a poor girl like you into such a cruel world as this?"


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    Re: What's a God to a Nonbeliever?

    Post by Karmzy on Mon Feb 04, 2013 5:06 am

    "What if we're right?" She countered, not backing down. "What if we're completely right?"

    "She's probably lying." She muttered. "Creatures don't care what you'll be better with. How you'll be better with it or without it. They only want what they want."

    "I'm impossible." She said. "I'm not supposed to exist. That's why they found me. That's why anyone has any idea who I am. I'm only half of what they want me to be."


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    Re: What's a God to a Nonbeliever?

    Post by Germano Valdez on Fri Feb 08, 2013 4:48 am

    Germano leaned back against the wall, his gaze at Karma piercing, yet full of sorrow and something akin to innocence, "Then we have no excuses."

    A small smile sprouted on the young man's lips, "Have you ever met an angel? Their presence alone is enough to tell you that they cannot tell anything but the truth. Haven't you felt that before? That rush of energy?" He only just now noticed how much he had raised his voice, and it filled the entire building.

    The mere thought of how he felt around Tovia made his heart rate soar, and his head swum with a primal sort of excitement. He supposed- he just needed to know that he wasn't the only one who was so deeply affected by these creatures, even though (according to this girl) they were so dangerous. Sometimes his emotions grew so strong they frightened him, and he yearned for answers.

    "What?" He laughed, "So it's impossible to fall for a demon? That makes no sense. I thought they were all about temptation and that sort of thing. Why would people want to find you for that?"


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    Re: What's a God to a Nonbeliever?

    Post by Karmzy on Sun Feb 24, 2013 11:57 pm

    "The angel treated me worse than the demons ever did. Perhaps that's why I'm the way I am." The girl had long since accepted that she would never achieve greatness in good, It was the reason she had gone into Wetboy training at age thirteen. It wae reason she had found the Brotherhood's cause so endearing. If she could not help but be evil, she might as well try for balance among the good as well, and if that meant fighting evil from time to time, so be it.

    But it wasn't all about her anymore. She had a son, a- a family. It wasn't enough to be roch anymore, nor could she be so quick to throw her own worthless life away. There were people who needed her now, in ways the demon never had.

    Her head canted to the side, and she regarded the man before her curiously. "I hope for your sake you haven't fallen for one of them. There is no faster way to find yourselfb lost." Turning from him, she shook her head. "It is my belief that demons are better than angels in that regard. They may have no empathy for those weaker than them, but at least they feel some emotion, they know of both pain and lust. Angels know neither. I no longer believe that demons know love, but I suppose that's better than the unconditional adoration they give their so-called Creator." Adjusting her hairband, she shrugged. "My life would have been much happier without either of them."



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    Re: What's a God to a Nonbeliever?

    Post by Germano Valdez on Thu Feb 28, 2013 2:46 am

    Germano shook his head, "I don't understand... Angels aren't supposed to be prejudiced. Unconditional love- that's their thing, right?" He stared into space, trying hard to imagine Tovia being hostile to anyone. Actually, it wasn't that difficult, though it seemed more likely to happen when that person had red skin and horns. Or at least really, really evil.

    "Maybe..." He continued to stare off into the distance, a tinge of concern straying into his voice, "You seem to know much more than I do about this whole thing." He let out a small laugh, "It's funny. You and I seem to be on opposite sides of the same war, yet here we are, talking to each other without a hint of violence." He looked up at the girl, "Does it really count as a war if the soldiers have no idea what they're fighting for?"


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