Why am I here?

Ciar trudged her way slowly to Professor Thorpe's office after class as she had been requested. Her hands were shoved deep into the pockets of her red robe, the Whelan crest prominantly on display. If this was about the way she had been in class the teen had nothing to say. She had pointed out valid things and had kept her temper to a bare minimum. It was not her fault it had been the way she had been brought up. She scuffed her dragonhide boot on the flagstone as she approached the office door.

Knocking hard on the door Ciar straightened her shoulders and her robe, checking on her wand, daggers, and knife at the same time. It wouldn't do to appear poorly before a Professor, even if the teen wasn't entirely fond of her. "You wanted to see me, Professor," she said loudly enough for her voice to be recognizable but not enough to be yelling.

Alexa finished her last marked essay from her 3rd years and put it down on her desk. She shrugged out of her outer robe which left her in her black leather trouses, and emerald green long sleeved oxford shirt, which had her pure blood Thorpe crest on. Her blonde hair was down and reached her waist.

Her Snake Fade sat on her stand which was on the desk.

When does the student arrive Mistress Alexa? Fade said to Alexa.

Soon my dear Fade! Alexa said as she softly petted her Cobra.

Alexa now had to wait for that very long chat with Miss Whelan. She heard the knock at her office door. The girl saud she was here from the other side of the door. Alexa flicked her hand at the door and it opened.

Alexa looked to see Miss Whelan Dressed very smartly.

"Please take a seat Miss Whelan!" Alexa said softly to the girl.

Is This her Mistress? Fade asked.

Yes, this is Miss Whelan Fade Alexa hissed softly

Tell Her I say Hello and be nice Mistress, She seems Different Fade hissed

Entering the office on high alert Ciar sensed the snake before she saw it. Her grey eyes darted around the room trying to locate the reptilian lifeforce and finally found it on the desk. She recognized the hissing between the two for what it was and mentally narrowed her eyes. What else was the Transfiguration professor hiding?

"I'd prefer to stand," Ciar replied politely tucking her hands behind her back and settling into an at ease position. Nodding her head towards the snake she commented, "You're a Parseltongue. An interesting ability especially for a family that was as close to the Slytherin line as the Whelans were. None of my family were blessed with the ability to speak the Noble Tongue of Serpents; we were more akin to the wolves that gave us our name." Looking straight at the professor with no hint of gameplaying in her steely eyes the teen asked, "Why am I here?"

Alexa looked at her student and sighed. Withe a flick of her hand the door closed.

"We didn't exactly get of on great terms Miss Whelan. I would say since that incident with Mr Mitani that one another dislike each other." Alexa said as she paused. She got up and walked around to sit on the corner of her desk near her snake.

"I don't want what happened in the lesson today to happen again Miss Whelan. I apologize for hands down on your desk today. It was uncalled for. You may think this sounds stupid, But I see alot of me in you when I was your age believe it or not. I know of the pressure of being a pure blood and what it is like. You can't show weaknesses, You always walk around with a proud posture, you need to know who's who and you always have your head held high. I can also sense that you were branded, am I correct?" Alexa asked softly.

Ciar's eyes became steel glints as they narrowed and her fists clenched out of sight behind her back. "Don't even pretend you know me," she hissed, venom lacing her voice. "I've been through things that even most Purebloods wouldn't be able to wrap their little heads around. These bigoted Purebloods think they're so strong and they can control everything, when in reality they're weak. Weak and scared of that which they don't understand."

Drawing herself up straighter she ground out, "You have no idea who I am, just like everyone else you only think you do. Going around thinking, 'Oh she's that eldest daughter of the Whelans. Must need to act like all the other Purebloods cause she's better than everyone else.' I cry foul upon those thoughts." A wolf like snarl crossed Ciar's features. "Nobody knows me and I am too different to even be considered like anyone else." The teen's blood was beginning to boil and she knew she needed to calm down if she was going to keep her temper.

Alexa but her hands on her face and run them through her hair and sighed.

"Miss Whelan, I didn't say that I knew you. I do not think once that you are like the rest of the pure blood families out there. You are independent, just like me. I've been through hell and back with my family Miss Whelen." Alexa said as she got up and walked over to the window.

"I was brought up within the light and dark side. I am not proud about my mothers side of the family. You see she was a Malfoy before she married my father. She got branded with the dark mark when she was 16. She wanted it. Found out that she wanted me to be a death eater's child from birth who was going to be forced into Tom Riddle's hands. I am the oldest and it was expected of me to do what I was told. My father on the other hand had to protect me from my own mother. They were forced into marrige and had me. Mother doesn't know that The Thorpe's had Slytherin blood in them. My Father put up with her behind closed doors. What she did to me was the last straw. She is in Azkaban for the rest of her life now. She was caught in the final battle." ALexa said as she watched the world go by from her window.

"I know you are your own person. I'm glad that one person is. Oh I have my own marks Miss Whelan as well." Alexa said as she looked at the girl.

"At least you had protection," Ciar whispered unclenching her fists and moving back to the wall opposite the professor. She didn't trust herself not to break like so many times before. Her emotions to overwhelm her upbringing and the pain to drown her in unpleasant memories. Leaning against the wall for support the teen wrapped her arms around herself, trying to stave off the inevitable meltdown she knew would happen unless she got a grip.

Her eyes focused on a spot on the wall just past the professor's head. "I was the protection," she continued in a whisper. "I knew what was coming and I knew I couldn't let them do it to my younger siblings. I couldn't save my sister but I saved Zephan. I saved my little wolf cub from a fate worse than death if he had survived." Ciar pulled up the left sleeve of her robe to expose the ugly black brand of the wolf with a snake erupting from it's mouth, the tip of the tail at Ciar's wrist with the snake circling around the arm with it's head in the crook of her elbow. "My father branded me while my mother watched with a smile on her face after I wouldn't let my baby brother go through the trials."

She pulled up up the dark red uniform shirt to reveal the pearly white scars that crisscrossed her abdomen. "Father taught me how to use the sword and other weapons at a young age. Any time he or my other dueling partners would injure me I was expected to tough it out. 'They are merely flesh wounds, because you aren't dead,' he would say." Ciar's eyes glistened with unshed tears as she recalled all the pain that had never truly left. "Why am I here, Professor," she asked her voice never above a whisper. "I know you wouldn't bring me here just to apologize."

Alexa looked at her and sighed once again.

"You might aswell sit down Miss Whelan." Alexa said to her studnet. She was shocked with the amount of scars she had. Just like her.

"My father couldn't protect me all the time. I have many of marks on my back from what my mother gave to me. She was trying to get the light magic out of me. I also have thin!" Alexa said as she rolled up her left sleeve.

A long white scar was on her fore arm. It started from her rist up to her elbow.

"Thats what I got from my mother when I refused to get the dark mark. I alsoo have other scars from sword and dagger fighting." Alexa said as she rolled her sleeve down.

"Anyway I have asked you to be here because of two reasons. The first one is that If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm always here and trust me. I can always take the wizards oaf. Second it that I know you want a apprenticship, Is that correct?" Alexa said to her student.

The Irish teen shook her head furiously. She couldn't sit down, not if she wanted to maintain some semblance of control. It was taking all her willpower not to sink down onto the floor as it was. To remember all her own pain and then find someone that had gone through almost what she had was all too much. Then again Thorpe had implied that she herself was an only child, whereas Ciar had two younger siblings until her sister had been killed by her injuries from the trials. She had born the brunt of their pain many times to protect them and in the end it had all been for naught. Now she was the scarred one, her sister was dead, and her brother playing the role of favourite child.

"I can't," she whispered. Ciar couldn't trust anybody, wizard's oath or not. At least any adult; she trusted Ren to keep her sane and Sheba to take care of her and want her. Too many adults had hurt her in her life for her to trust them without knowing them. She had trusted a professor before only to have them ripped away from her, causing her already fragile mind to break a bit more.

Then there was the offer of an apprenticeship. The teen gulped and unconciously tightened her grip around herself. "As much as I truly want to, and I wouldn't be learning how to be an Animgus if I didn't, I don't think my parents would allow it. They want me to be the good little daughter and get married so I can spit out babies to keep the family line going. If it could happen without their knowledge I'd say yes in a heartbeat, as long as you don't ask me to trust you until I think I can." She didn't want to be hurt anymore. Ciar just wanted someone older to accept who she was and not judge her by the outside.

"Miss Whelan, I know what its like to lose a sibling also." Alexa said as she leaned against the wall.

"Hardly anyone knows that I had lost a little brother. You see after I turned 5 My mother and Father had a son. Mother loved him so much, another child to take to Voldemort and hopefully she would get the boy to be her nect death eater child. When he was two she took him to one of the death eater meetings. Voldemort wanted to see if he was going to have potental. Found out that his magical core was not developed at all. My brother was a squib because mother was at one on the meetings when she was carrying him. She got crucio'd at a meeting which effected him because Voldemort wanted me in his ranks. so he killed him. I couldn't save him. I protected him from my mother while he was alive when she had her crazy perfectic moments which she took out on me. My Father was devested of course. Your thinking why did he not get a divorce, well he has tried but because its a magical bonding contract, he can't get out of it. My brother died because I didn't join voldemort. I couldn't trust anyone, even my own father who went in a shell for a couple of years after." Alexa said.

She caught on Miss Whelans mind that the girl coudn't trust any adult.

"Well hopefully Miss Whelan you can start to trust me soon as a mentor or something like that. Pandora Reikman has had similer problems at home. but not as bad. She's my God daughter you see. I am now protecting her and teaching her occulemency." Alexa said to Miss Whelan.

Doing some quick mental calculations Ciar looked at the professor, her steel eyes glinting hard. "You would have been only seven years old," she growled. "A seven year old can't possibly hope to hold their own against an adult. I was eleven when my brother was going to go through the trials. He was five years old, while I took the trials at seven. My sister was forced to go through them at the age of five, a year after I did mine and I barely survived. I was eight, far to weak to protect her. After her death though I tripled my training. I would not let my brother go through what she had." A sneer crossed her face. "I succeeded. I managed to take my brother's place but in doing so found myself an outcast. A marked teenager with parents that would sooner see her dead but couldn't. See, I'm their scapegoat. I do everything for them."

Her eyes blazed with cold fire and she pushed herself off from the wall. "Did you just see my thoughts," she demanded her voice laced with a cold fury. "Because you'll find out real fast that is the one way to never earn my trust. If I want to talk about something I will, but if I don't that's the end of it. My mind is the only place I'm truly safe and I will not have someone take that away from me." Ciar stood tall and proud her grey eyes blazing with her arms crossed over her chest. "I don't need your protection," she said defiantly. "I don't need anyone."

"Don't worry Miss whelan I wasn't invading your mind. Your thought projected it self. I know its not a way to earn anyones trust at all. I will never read your thoughts. Only with your permission I will. I'm not a sick mind raper like some people who love doing it. A persons thoughts a secret and never should be read. I am sorry I caught it." Alexa said.

"You will need someone one day Miss Whelan. Even though you don't think you need anyone." Alexa said with a oause.

"My mother is aa sick person who wanted nothing more than rule the world with Voldemort. Yes I was seven years old. yes I was young when trying protect my brother, he died a month after I did my first trial. Oh I completed them all. I went though the Thopre, Pervell and Malfoy trails. I got the three crests to prove it. The Thorpe crest was tattoo'd the biggest inbetween my sholder blades. Then The Malfoy crest on my left shoulder blade and the Pervell on my right." Alexa said as she un buttoned her shirt and turned around to face the wall. she droped her shirt half way to show the tattoo's. White long scars went between them and little one scared her back aswell. She then did her shirt up and turned around.

"I might of been at a young age but I blame myself for Edward's death. If i joined Voldemort My brother wouldn't of been a squib and would of lived. I know now that I couldn't beat my mother, but I did take my brother's beating away from him so mother could do it to me instead." Alexa said quitely like a whisper.

Ciar was halfway across the room making to storm out the door of the office when the professor dropped her shirt. Her gaze was drawn to the scars between the tattoos, her grey eyes softening. She could remember every crack of the whip as it laid open her back, an extra ten lashings given for every sound she dared to utter. She was almost upon the older woman, her fingers stretched out to touch the scars, when Professor Thorpe pulled up her shirt and turned back around.

"Forgive me," she whispered mostly to herself, though it was uncertain to whom it was directed. Thinking of all the pain they had both endured struck a chord in Ciar's being that she had forgotten existed. Gazing up into her professor's eyes Ciar lowered her hand to waist height. Her mind was jumbled with conflicted thoughts as she felt every single scar from the crack of the whip across her back. Without conciously realizing what she was doing the teen took the few steps separating teacher and student and wrapped her arms around her professor's slim waist. Thorpe had a good eight inches on her and usually such a height difference intimidated Ciar, though she hid it well. As she buried her face in her teacher's chest she found it didn't bother her and all she wanted was to be held by someone that had been through hell like her.

Alexa eye's went big as the girl wrapped her arms and buried her face into her chest. Alexa stiffened at first, but Alexa slipped her arms around Miss Whelan's back, drawing the girl closer, wrapping her arms tightly against Ciar.

The corners of Alexa's lips twitched, and she proceeded to prop her chin on the young girls head. Alexa hand started to stroke the girls hair and squeezed her tightly as the girl needed the support.

Alexa wanted to give the girl some loving comfort and safety, whcih the girl has been denied of.

"You Don't have to be sorry for anything Miss Whelan. The women who gave me these scars is behind a cell in Azkaban for life. On the other hand, your the one who needs to seek comfort and safety. I want you to be safe, even your brother whom I haven't mett yet." Alexa said as she squeezed the girl lightly.

Ciar wasn't sure what it was about the arms that held her, the head that rested on hers, or the fingers that stroked through her hair but she felt safe held against her professor. It was a warmth and safety that she had never felt before and it was an intriging feeling. Not quite the same as the feeling of being wrapped in Sheba's arms but it was a pleasant feeling in it's own right.

Tightening her grip around Thorpe's thin waist the Irish teen whispered against the woman's chest in Gaelic. *"Cad atá sábháilte? Níl a fhios agam an téarma seo. B'fhéidir go bhfuil sé maith an rud é a bheith sábháilte le chéile." Switching to English she said, "My brother is safe for now, but I... I don't know what it is like to be safe. I swear though, by the brand that marks me, that I'll be a good apprentice. I'll be the best you've ever seen."



*What is safe? I don't know this term. Perhaps it is a good thing to be safe with another.

Alexa smiled and kneeled down in front of the the girl and put her hands on the girls shoulders.

"Ciar, being my Apprentice would be fantastic and I would love to have you as a apprentice. You would be 'Safe' meaning that I would provide security, Immunity from harm, Freedom from risk or danger. This would mean that I would talk to your Parents about it. Trust me, if they even reject the option for you to become my apprentice, they would have me and my vampire aunt to deal with. Being my apprentcie would meen you would have the option of living with me in my home for summer and during term, you could bring anyone you wanted with you." Alexa said with a pause. Alexa's green eyes held trust and protection and reassurance. Alexa storked the girls hair.

"I would teach you everything I know. I Have master's is Potions, Charms, Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Occulemency, Legilimencey and Defence Against The Dark Arts. I also know basic healing. Even though I do not like Healing. I'll leave that to my best friend Demetri Jasper Prince if you wanted to learn healing. Aslo I can teach you hunting, dagger and sword defence and attack. If you wanted to learn anything else, I can ask my Aunt Scala as she knows everything. You see she is a vampire, and a very loverly one at that." Alexa said with a giggle.

"Also I know Gaelic Ciar, also French, English, Russian, German, Italian, Spanish and Romainian. You could say my father and aunt taught me well." Alexa smiled at the girl.

"I hope it's alright to call you be your first name Ciar?" Alexa asked the girl with a warm smile

"Please, don't tell them," Ciar whispered, her grey eyes lined with fear. "You have no idea what they would do, what they're capable of. Please, for me, don't tell them. I'm not afraid of what they could do to me, but I fear for my little brother. He's only six and even though he questions our parents he's not ready to be separated from them yet. If not for me, then for him. If you tell them or try to force them to do anything it will rip his world apart."

She leaned into the stroking of her hair and she swallowed thickly. "I would like to learn what you can teach me, but I can't live with you. I won't leave my allies high and dry, like others have before. I have to return to my family's house in Finland. I have all my stuff there and it's items that can't be moved without a great deal of difficulty." Ciar lifted a hand and quelled an itch on her cheek. "I'm not called Ciar by many. Most people fear my reputation and those close to me prefer to use my nickname." She gave a harsh laugh. "Then again if your name meant darkness people wouldn't want to use it either."

Alexa brought the girl into another hug.

"I think your name is loverly." Alexa said with a small soft laugh.

"Don't worry then, your parents won't find out. It's just that normally apprentices do their apprenticships in the summer holidays and during school term. We can work around it though. What if I contacted your parents at the beginning of summer and come and teach you at your home with out telling them that your my apprentice, lets say I am teaching you some catch up work or something like that?" Alexa said as she tightly squeezed the girl with resurence.

As safe as Ciar felt in the embrace she found herself pushing out of it and stepping away from the professor, towards the desk. Nobody understood. Why didn't anybody understand? "You don't get it," the teen said stiffly. "I don't live with my parents. They live in the ancestral Manor back home on the Emerald Isle." She wrapped her arms around herself. "I live in one of the family homes in Finland. Just myself, the house elves, and Mitani. I was made a physical outcast after being branded, not just a family outcast. By all rights and purposes I'm still a Whelan because they need me but I'm not acknowledged except when needed or something goes wrong."


"The only way my parents will know about me being an apprentice or learning how to be an Animagus is if someone other than me tells them. I won't tell them. They'll think that I'm... Well I'm not sure what they'll think, but it all ends the same way. Pain. Nothing but a blinding pain." Ciar came to the corner of the desk without the snake and placed her palms against the wood, leaning heavily on the structure. *"Agus éiríonn sin an dorchadas sa dorchadas gan. Dark mac tíre, go deo i bpian." Hanging her head Ciar sighed as she quoted the words of an old soothesayer she had met on the isle when she was younger.


*And so the darkness within becomes the darkness without. Dark wolf, forever in pain.

Alexa looked at the girl.

"Don't worry then Ciar, I will not tell your parents anything with out your permission. How could they do that to you, leave you alone with out figures to look upto. I am sorry to hear that Ciar, but I will help you the best I can." Alexa said as she put a hand on the girls shoulder.

"I am always here if you needed to talk to someone. Anyway would you like me to go over you timetable and other things for being my Apprentic?" Alexa asked the girl.

Ciar jerked her shoulder away, her grey eyes growing cold. "I don't need your pity," she snarled. "I'm better off without them anyways and if my brother weren't so young and in need of them they would have been dead long ago. Besides it's not like they were great role models to begin with and I'm never alone." She tightened her grip on the desk. "When the only being you can truly trust in the world is a wolf there's something wrong with the world."

Releasing her grip momentarily she gestured Thorpe around the desk, before returning to her vice like grip on the wood. "I said I'd be your apprentice, but you must understand that I do much of my training on my own. My secret to staying fit and my skills honed is my own for now and that must be respected. I do not get forced to do anything. The last person that tried to force me to do something against my will ended up in the St. Mungo's long term care ward." She gazed forward without seeing anything before lowering her eyes to the desk again.

"And you won't be forced to do anything Miss Whelan." Alexa said with a bit of loudness in her voice.

"I will be guiding you with whatever you want to do and I will respect whatever secrets you want to keep Miss Whelan. I do not pry into things where I am not wanted." Alexa said as she went over to one of her book cases. She lloked for a certain book.

"You may take whatever book is in her as the walls are coved with them. As my apprentice you can take them out and learn what ever you want to. There are a lot of expensive, old and dark books which some can bite, just to warn you." Alexa said with a smirk.

"Just so long as they don't scream at me," Ciar sneered, finally straightening and releasing her grip on the desk. "I don't enjoy people raising their voices and books are no exception to that." She tucked her shirt neatly back into her uniform slacks (having refused a skirt) and tugged her red robe back into an orderly appearance. "I can deal with books that bite but screaming is firmly in the 'across the line' category."

"I appreciate you allowing me to have access to your books. My parents locked away more than half of the library at my home for fear I could learn how to use stuff against them," she commented. "I have yet to find a way to circumnavigate their wards and it is most aggravating." She ran her fingers through her hair to put it back in it's place. Gazing at the professor Ciar asked, "So are you and the Highmaster both my masters? Since I'm learning how to be an Animagus from him? Also, do I have some sort of marking to show that I'm an apprentice?" Her grey eyes took on an odd look that was a mixture of emotions, almost unreadable to an outsider.

Alexa looked at the girl and shooked her head.

"Ciar you will be not be marked in any way to show that you are a apprentice. What normally shows that your are a apprentice is your school uniform. As you will have me and Sacha as masters, your Robes will have our family crests on each side to show who you are apprenticed under. And yes, me and Sacha are going to be your masters. It is up to you if you want a main one to talk to and such about anything." Alexa said carmly to the girl.

"Some evil people actully mark there apprentice, but I think is horribley wrong to do that. I would never harm you like that. It's cruel really to think that masters out there do that." Alexa said with a bit of anger.

Ciar rolled her grey eyes. "Not like a haven't been marked already," she retorted, sarcsm dripping from her words. "What's a few more brands and scars on my body." Shifting her shoulders into a semi shrug she walked over to where Thorpe was standing. Slipping an arm around the professor's waist she gave a small one-armed hug before slipping away again.

"I'll come see you if I need you," she said making her way towards the door. Opening the door slightly and giving a sharp whistle that echoed through the corridor she listened for the click of claws against flagstone before asking, "Is there anything else you wanted of me, Professor?"