Need You Now

Lex lifted her dark hood over her face as she left her workplace, face expressionless. As it had been for about a month, now. Ever since her heart had been broken, she couldn't bring herself to smile. Or even to cry- because it was her fault that she had pushed Kas away- pushed him into another woman's arms- so what right had she to cry about it?

No right to happiness. No right to sadness.

The purpose of getting a job as a waitress at The Blue Pomegranite was so that she could afford to buy a home to stay near to Kas.

Of course, that was useless now. She just had to save enough money so she would be set to get back onto the road again. A small part of her prayed that somehow, it would revive that adventurous part of her soul. But she could only ever see her adventures with Kas.

Blue eyes staring blankly at her feet as she proceeded through the crowd, like a mere cog in a machine, Lex ignored the tear that was rolling down her cheek.

No one seemed to notice, anyway. Why should she?

Kas had lost his nerve time and time again. He had sat at a side table in the restaruant for hours, every time meaning to get up, to say something to her - no not just something, a very specific thing - to her, but he'd get a glance at her face, see the look there, and remember that he put it there.

And he couldn't do it.

But when he saw her leave, it was like his brain finally clicked in what could happen. If he didn't ask now, she would leave forever, and then what would he do? How would he...

He got up from his table, leaving a pile of change on top and ran after her.

"Lex!" he called his voice desperate as he ran closer. "Lex! Alexis Night! Please - I know that I- can you please just!! Lex! Wait for a moment! Just a moment, please?"

At first, Lex had thought his voice had been her wistful, pathetic imagination attempting to conjure some image of him, some sort of comfort to her wounded heart. But then there were footsteps advancing towards her, at a fast pace. And then the voice repeated itself and even though her mind told her not to, every fibre in her body willed her to seek the source of the sound.

It was embedded in her nature now, to want to be with him. And it had been so long, and-

Her azure blue eyes caught sight of him immediately - there was no way they would be drawn to anyone else, anyway - and her feet froze in their tracks.

Keep walking. she told herself sternly, though her feet remained rooted to the ground. Don't. Stop. But her heart was tugging her towards him, whether she liked it or not.

Physically unable to move, Lex stood frozen as he came closer, face a cold mask. What was she meant to do? Run? Ignore him?

Fall back into his arms where she wanted to be?

Kas's heart jumped with hope as she stopped, he ran the rest of the way, crossing the distance to be in front of her.

For a long moment he just stood there catching his breath, and staring at her, memorizing ever feature. Depending on how this went this might be the last time he ever saw her. He had to make sure he remembered every feature, every little detail so he could keep her image in his mind. Remind himself exactly what he had screwed up - what his stupidity had made him lose.

"Lex," he said after a moment, once he finally had his breath, before looking around and realizing they were standing in the middle of the street. Reaching out he grabbed her shoulder softly, and guided them of to the side, to a little park, witha bench. "I know I have no right to ask for anything but please... can you just give me however long this takes. There is something I have to say. Once I am done, I'll never see you again if thats what you want from me but please..."

"Just let me say this first."

Lex's feet slowly started to tingle with feeling again- it was only at this point that she realised they had been numb in the first place- as she finally recognised exactly what situation she was in now. And even though she was willing herself to walk away, Lex couldn't. She just couldn't when he was so close. She could just so easily...touch him. Hug him.

Be with him.

Lex stayed pretty motionless as he guided her away from the street, unsure of exactly what she was doing. But after so long- she couldn't just walk away from him again, it was too hard. She wasn't strong enough to. Fighting the urge to cling onto his hand, she dug her nails into her palms instead, only stopping when she thought she might break the skin.

She sneaked glances of him as they walked, unable to help herself. Lex had thought that the last time she would ever see him was that day in the Blackened Forest. That terrible day.

That was the worst day of her life.

She sighed wearily, remembering her situation. Worst day of life- so far. Merlin help her, today could be worse.

But the woman had spent night after night trying to recall Kas' face, his touch, his voice- even though a part of her despised herself for doing it- and had wished that she had made an effort to remember him before she left. Just so..so that she could mourn what could have been.

Frowning deeply, she nodded. Lex knew it was selfish of her but- she just wanted to hear his voice. Savour it.

"Okay."

Kas looked at her for a moment, hardly believing that he was lucky enough to get her to agree to stay, for the moment. His mind still wouldn't let him get too close to hoping. Too close to...

If he hoped and then lost... he didn't think he could survive the fall.

"Right, okay, good," he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and cleared his throat nervously. He probably should have written something down, but... he wasn't sure if he'd have been able to read it even if he had.

"Look, I know... I know what I did was unexcusable, and you have every right to hate me, to not forgive me - to cast me out of you're life, but first you must know... I must ask..."

He sighed, looking away for a long moment.

"You- you are my.. my..." he shook his head and let out a little laugh, looking back at the girl, woman. "I still remember that first day I saw you. Even then, just the way you look, laughed... talked. I'd never met anyone like you, you know that Lex right? You're unique, and special, and amazing, lord you are so amazing. I count myself lucky to have called you mine even for those few short months. They will never be enough though, that's why.."

Nervously he fumbled in his pocket for the box, and bent down on one knee.

"Will you, Alexis Marie Night, please, please, please do me the honour of being my wife? I know after everything I did I have almost no right to ask, but I can't leave without trying, without showing you what you mean to me, and this.. this is what you mean to me."

He waved the box about a bit.

"I love you, and I don't care about anything else - anyone else," he met her blue gaze with his own steady one. He needed her to believe all of this. "What happened, that, that was a mistake, and a mistake that I shouldn't have made. I was drunk. I was stupid - so stupid. Those aren't excuses, they're the truth, but that doesn't make it better. But I want you to know - I made that mistake once, and I realized what a mistake it was. I don't want anyone else. I can wait for you - for you as long as you need; if you're never ready, then I can wait forever. Monks live lives of celibacy all their lives, and they do it in a name of a person far less magnificent, special, perfect, worthy than you."


He sighed, "So please, Lex, please... You don't even have to say yes right now - though I would love nothing more than if you did - but please say you'd at least consider it. Please don't tell me I screwed up my only chance at being with the only person I could ever want to spend the rest of my life with."

Lex winced silently- she had to forgive him sometime, didn't she? She knew it just wouldn't be the same without him anymore. Cutting him out of her life would be like cutting a bit out of her heart. But she could never hate him. There was no point in even trying to to move on faster- it was just impossible, she just knew. Even trying to imagine someone else thinking of him in any spiteful way made her stomach churn nervously.

Ever so slightly, the corner of her lips pulled upwards in a sad ghost of a smile, and a few tears stung in her eyes. She'd been so happy, then. So completely carefree, with complete and utter blinded faith in the handsome stranger that she had met in the Forest. He was so accepting of her- why would he ever hurt her?

A bitter laugh escaped her lips. "I'm not amazing, Kas-" she said firmly, addressing him for the first time, before realising she had used his nickname. "-per." Lex added on quickly, though there had been a noticeable break between the two syllables. Mentally cursing her slip up, Lex bit her lip as he continued. He was just...pouring his heart out to her completely. How could she ever not forgive him after this?

How could she ever stop seeing him in her mind's eye with another woman?

Lex's blue eyes widened considerably as he..he actually knelt down on one knee. This wasn't happening. He wasn't about to actually..propose, he was just being compulsive and- Her breath caught as he pulled out a box from his pocket and she took a step backwards. No, no he couldn't do this- it would just make it harder and...

She could barely hear his voice over the loud beat of her pulse in her head. Why was it so loud? Her thoughts became fuzzy, mixed and confused, just able to understand exactly what he was saying. He loved her and...

A small part of her reveled in the fact it was the first time he had said he loved her. She was...more than God to him? More than...

Heart hammering against her chest, Lex swayed as she felt a wave of wooziness come over her. Her heart began beating even more wildly, face paling. Her breath became short and in quick bursts, and in a desperate attempt to overcome whatever was happening to her, the woman clenched her hands into tight fists.

Her heart twisted painfully and her hand flew to her chest.

She was having a heart attack.

Kasper's eyes widened and he immediately jump to her side.

"Lex," he whispered in a panic. "Alexis please... whats, wrong are you okay."

He fumbled for his wand, mumbling healing spells that he knew but completely unsure that any of them would help. He simply did not excell in that area.

"Lex, just... breath," he mumbled, putting his arm around her, "Just.. be alright okay? I'll never forgive myself if you... Lex."

It was too much.

The pain, the panic, the heart break.

Physically and mentally, it seemed. Merlin, how could this be happening? Lex felt her heart unclench slightly under one of Kas' basic healing spells, but it wasn't enough to completely alleviate the pain. A dark stain of black spread across her vision and she began to feel unconsciousness claim her. She still hadn't-

No. No, she had to tell him that-

Her body fell limply against his, eyes fluttering close and the colour slowly draining from her face.

"Lex!" Kasper caught her quickly, holding her close, looking around him lost for a long moment. What was he supposed to do now? She couldn't...

He- he...

If he'd just...

He brushed some hair out of the woman's face, "Don't worry. Its going to be alright. I'm going to make it alright."

Holding her closer still, he nodded and then apparated them both to the hospital.