all around and way we go

It was a rare occasion when Azorat would be devoid of a crowd. Today was one of those days. This slightly disappointed the Gryffindor since she enjoyed people watching and relished being in the middle of people that did not recognize her or stare at her like she was some sort of criminal.

Things had been going relatively alright lately. She hoped that would be the case at least till the end of her school year, feeling that she already had enough circumstances occur to last a while.

Her tattoo which was written in Greek was visible along her arm, which began from her shoulder blade and ended midway. She was glad Alec had been there at the shop that day, they had caught up with each other's news and he managed to get a tattoo as well.

Iris leaned against one of the alley walls, and closed her eyes but quickly opened them again as she felt something. It was too loud, too clear not to miss. She guessed it was a twin thing.

Her sister was here.

Cosette was dressed in her pureblood robes. The Holender crest was on her back, and also above her right breast. The silk, soft black robes flowed out, with the hood down. Arkadi had requested that she publicly showed her presence today, in a place that every witch and wizard visited on frequent occasions. The Holender's was back, with an heir.

She gave an nod to an ally of the Holender family. Usually, their allies were a secret but his family -the Crohls- was a special case. They had been united ever since the Founders time. The Crohls had a gifted potioneer who invented the advanced sanity potion for the Holenders. The Crohls were the only ones who knew the curse.

"Hello, Miss Holender," He greeted, and Cosette gave him a small warm smile. Ivan was a good man, somebody that Arkadi wanted her to be with but Cos's heart was with Frodo. "Hello Lord Crohl, I hope everything is going well?" To the listeners, it just seemed to them that they were simply talking to each other. But really, they were talking about certainfamily secrets of the Crohl family. They had their secrets too.

"What happened to your eye color?" He questioned, breaking the ex-Hrabrost out of her thoughts. Giving a small laugh, she tossed back the waist length of brown hair and replied easily, "I wanted to try out a new color. After all, an occasional change is good for the soul, I suppose." Her eye color was the brown chocolate her true identity had.

As soon as the Gryffindor heard her sister's voice, she leaned over to the side of the wall, making sure not to be seen. She frowned lightly at Kait's back; the robes, the hair and the way she was standing, it all seemed out of place. But she couldn't deny the relief she felt. At least the Hrabrost was safe and well, instead of being locked up somewhere.

But what the fuck happened?

Iris picked out bits and pieces of the conversation, and the fact that couldn't decipher it, made her all the more curious. She did not recognize the man either, but that did not worry her; Kait knew how to defend herself in case something were to happen. Making sure her dagger was still attached to her belt loop, she made her way over to the conversing people.

"Hey there sister, is this your new boyfriend?" The brunette asked amusedly, her grip tightening on her weapon and glanced at the male suspiciously out of the corner of her eye.

"Who is the girl staring at you, Miss Holender?" Lord Crohl questioned, discreetly looking somewhere to his right. Cosette frowned, and looked around, not seeing anybody. She was only looking for one of the seven devils, making sure that they weren't here. It wasn't until she saw a brunette -that was very familiar- who she didn't exactly want to see at the moment. Did Iris even know she was even missing?

"Who is this girl, Miss Holender?" Lord Crohl questioned as he looked at Iris like she was trash. Resisting the urge to smack him -nobodylooked at her like that- and turned to Iris with a cold look, but her eyes held concern and a warning. Walk away, they warned.

"Excuse me, I don't know you," The ex-Hrabrost told her sister in a neutral tone. "You must have mistaken me for somebody else." Cosette took notice of the Greek Tattoo and felt her breath get caught in her throat. She tilted her head in thought, Cosette decided to talk to her sister. "Though I vaguely remember you, Miss Grayson. Now I do. Perhaps we can go talk somewhere privately over a cup of tea? I know the perfect place."

Cosette turned to Lord Crohl and curtisied. "Excuse me, Lord Crohl. I must talk to this young woman about important matters. She has a few secrets that the Holender family is helping her keep a secret." Understanding flashed in the Lords eyes- he thought Iris was a pureblood in disguise. Giving Cosette a nod, Lord Crohl walked away.

She turned back to Iris with an angry look. "How did you know it was me?!"

Iris raised an eyebrow at the name change and for a brief moment if the man had mistaken her sister for someone else. But the lack of surprise on Kait's face or the fact that she didn't correct him, made the Gryffindor realize that he was referring to the right name. As much as she wanted to ask, she bit her tongue and kept quiet...for the first few minutes.

"I don't think your boyfriend likes me," she remarked and looked at the stranger with mild amusement. "By the way, if you do not staring at me like that, I swear to Merlin I'll hit you. Or would you like a demonstration?"

At Kait's next words, Iris was surprised and slightly thrown off guard at the 'Miss Grayson' comment. She stared at the Hrabrost with a look that said, 'Cut the bullshit or I will kick your ass.' "A cup of tea?" She repeated. "You're fucking kidding me, right? Since when do you drink tea?! Honestly, you are beginning to piss me off."

Again her sister mentioned the name 'Holender', and her curiousity was brought to the surface once more. Soon the man left, for which the Greek girl was glad yet disappointed that she did not get to...deal with him.

"Dude, I am your twin sister. Even if you had plastic surgery and went bald, I'd still know it was you," the Gryffindor scoffed to Kait. "Wait, you didn't have surgery did you?"

Cosette refused to respond to Iris, and groaned. People were staring at them. Cosette was glad that there wasn't any reporters here yet. Back in France, the event of a new Holender heir riled up everyone- so anybody who read the French News knew who she was. Putting back on her cold facade, the Hrabrost sister gave Iris a look. "Would you follow me to the place? I promise you won't be disappointed." She turned around crisply and led Iris down the street. She didn't stop until she was sure no one was following them and turned sharply in a alley.

Still turned away from her sister, Cosette took in a deep breath. O.k so, Iris didn't know that she ran away. That was expected- Iris and her owled, but not a whole lot. They had an bond, but since they only met each other in fourth year, it wasn't like they known each other for a long time.

"Really Iris?" Cosette asked the Gryffindor, now turned to the brunnete. "That was Lord Crohl, an ally to the Holender family, and I can't really have him suspect who I truly am!" Cosette shook her head and made sure her hair was still in place. Appearance's was everything in the Pureblood world. "It's a glamour charm. Plastic is a muggle thing, and I am no longer connected to the muggle world."

"Hows Game?" Cosette asked, leaning against the brick wall. The 'pureblood' leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Man, she would have to report to Arkadi tonight that the mission was a fail. The Holender Heir had some issues- that much was apparent to everybody.

Iris shrugged and followed her sister, not really bothered where they were headed. All she needed were answers, and as long as she got them, she would be temporarily satisfied. "Would you fucking please stop talking to me like I'm shit or something?" She muttered, beginning to wonder if Kait was under a curse or something. "After all, you're the one who's dressed like a high class snob."

"Alright, just so we're clear, that is not your boyfriend?" She asked, a small grin on her face. "Good, I liked it when you used to talk about the other guy, he sounded like a fine guy. And I'm sure he would have liked me, unlike your stupid friend," she replied with a roll of her eyes. "Okay, here is my first question; who the fuck are the Holenders? I'm guessing you ran away from school again? Honestly dude, you're getting more messed up than me," she shook her head.

"I don't give a damn it if it's a glamour charm or not, it looks hideous, if you must know," she stated. "Did you start using charms the same time you started drinking tea?"

She shrugged her shoulders once more, "How am I supposed to know how is he? As it is he's not particularly fond of me, least of all be bothered to keep in touch. And why the sudden concern for him? Though I'll let him know you asked," she smirked.

"I'm posing as a pureblood, of course I am dressed like 'an highclass snob," Cosette quoted, rolling her eyes. The act made her pause- when was the last thing that she rolled her eyes? Just doing it made her feel... free. Proper Purebloods didn't roll their eyes. Rolling her eyes felt so right. "And drop that boyfriend shiz Iris! He is not my boyfriend, and may I say, I still in a way belong to Frodo. Though I haven't seen him before I left for Christmas break. He has probably moved on by now." Forget this pureblood stuff around Iris, Cosette thought to herself. She is my sister. She undid her hair, causing tumbles of brown curly hair fall down to her waist.

Cursing under her breath in Russian, English, Greek, Parseltounge and French, Cosette gave her an look. "Merlin you don't know your pureblood families. Well... the Holender is an old pureblood family that.. well, our family is from. Our grandmother Arkadi sent me an owl over Christmas break, asking me to met up with her. She... said that she knew why I was insane, and how to stop it. Arkadi spoke the truth. I am perfectly sane again, and I repay that providing the Holender family an heir." Iris is going to kill her.

"I don't look hideous," Cosette told her, offended. She after all picked this look. "I chose this look to look beautiful and maintain a good pureblood reputation. And there is nothing wrong about tea, dear sister." Tea was disgusting to Cos, but Iris didn't need to know that.

"Well, you guys are both too stubborn to say sorry to each other. If you just said sorry, there wouldn't be any problems and you guys will be in touch! Cuz I ain't like I am in touch with him while I got rid of all my ties I made when I was under the name, Kaitlen Grayson! Iris, he is family! If I can get over my rivalry with someone who kissed my boyfriend, you can get along with him!" Cosette was tired of those two fighting and not getting along.

"Posing as a pureblood? I really do not believe it's a play that you are putting up," Iris muttered. "But if you dare show me any of your attitudinal sides, and I won't care that you are my sister," the Gryffindor said with warning look on her face. "Well, like I said, I'm glad he's not your boyfriend, so chill. If you must know, you're not the only one who's having boyfriend issues," she mumbled. As Kait let down her hair, the half-English girl felt slightly more relaxed. At least she hasn't gone completely mental, she thought.

Iris looked at her sister incredulously, "For your information, I really do not give a fuck about our so called pureblood families. After our bitch of a mother tried to kill me, I have accepted the fact that I don't have a family." She chuckled humourlessly at the Hrabrost's comment. "You think you are perfectly sane now? No Kait, you were sane before. Whatever shit you're pulling off now, that's insanity. You are not one of those coldhearted pureblood loving freaks, no matter how much of a disguise you put up." She looked right at the former redhead and said quietly, "I can see right through you. As always."

"Beautiful? Wow, you are just full of jokes today, aren't you?" She smirked once more. "You are missing your usual charm, wild streak and overall natural aura, in which case, you've become hideous." Raising an eyebrow at Kait, she chuckled lightly, "You can lie to yourself all you want, but you despise tea and I know it."

"I tried to apologize and he didn't bother, so why should I do it again?" Iris shrugged and leaned against the wall. "But if it means that much to you, I'll try owling him or something," she replied. "Who the fuck kissed your boyfriend?!"

"Providing our family with an heir Iris is not a play. I'm a complete different person now- my name is Cosette Atriz Holender. I am a french pureblood, whose mother raised her in secrecy away from everybody!" It was a lie, the completely different person part. The Kait was still in there- she felt it everyday. The urge of partying. Waking up, smiling to the fact that she will talk to her friends today. The smile washed away with the realization of the truth.

Cosette wished she was like Iris. Iris realized the fact that the three siblings -Cosette, Iris, and Game- were the only ones that they could trust. Well, for Iris there was no Game. But... Iris realized that their father's mother couldn't be good. The darker brunette knew it. It was the hope of changing somebody's views for the good. Family was everything. They were worth it.

Her fingers tangled in her hair, Cosette trembled with anger and frustration. The anger caused her to kick a garbage can repeatedly, the frustration caused her to punch the wall. It was built up- so much built up since Christmas. The words that Iris gave her were true, so true. Yes, the curse of the Holender family was insanity. Yes Kait got that. But her lack of sanity wasn't just the curse. The sanity potion only gets rid of the effects of the curse. Not the actual insanity Cosette has built up over the years.

But she wasn't going to admit it.

"You can't see right through me Iris!" Word flew out without a thought, with crazed animal eyes. "I am sane! The curse doesn't affect me anymore! I AM SANE! DON'T TELL ME I AM NOT!" Cosette stalked over to Iris and grabbed her shoulders. "Arkadi helped me! She still helps me! She is my grandmother and I am not going to leave her! Shes... Shes not that woman!"

"Of course I am missing it," She snapped, impatient. "I am completely somebody else now. Stop making me repeat myself." Cosette was being suffocated right now. The truth being force in her face, and this many layers of fancy clothing was slowly killing her. She needed to breath. Inhaling with her nose, and exhaling with her mouth, she pulled at her cloths, tempted to pull them off.

"Lena. I don't really care anymore. It was a sudden thing- just like when I used to all of a sudden disappear for a few days. I-I can't just be angry at her anymore." Cosette shook her head, sighing. "I caused a lot of drama because of my pride. I caused a friendship I needed to disappear. I was an idiot."

(OOC: Sorry took a while. AND SO MUCH MUSE :O)

"No, you are not that person," the Gryffindor growled angrily. "You are Kaitlen Atriz Grayson. You are a Greek halfblood whose family is so fucking messed up!" Iris was convinced that this person standing in front of her was not her sister. This was someone else, a stranger pretending to be the one she was beginning to care for deeply. "Whoever fucking did this to you is a fucking retard, you hear me?! And you are an even bigger idiot to have fallen into their trap!"

The brunette took in deep breaths and forced herself to calm down, and hardly paid any attention at Kait's actions. There was so much that Grayson wished to tell the Parselmouth, so much had happened. The time she nearly killed herself, when she broke down in front of Game and how she was not mad at him anymore, or when she drunk-kissed Alec and her boyfriend broke up with her. But no, if this is the way her sister was choosing to act, then she did not deserve to know all that.

While the Hrabrost was off being a pureblood, she was in St.Mungos, recovering from another near-death experience. How sad that life was such a bitch at times.

Before Kait could touch her again, the Gryffindor slammed the darker brunette towards the wall, though not so roughly as she had intended. "Just listen to yourself," she whispered harshly, looking straight into her sister's eyes. "You think it is your sanity talking right now? You were never cursed, but I have a feeling that you are cursed now." She let go of the girl and took a step back, her gaze never leaving Kait's. "I do not care if 'Arkadi' is your fucking godmother, but whatever she is doing, it not helping! At all!"

Iris chuckled humourlessly as she realized that it was happening all over again. She was once again losing yet another person she cared about. The thought made her realize that it was possibly only Alec and Hades she would have left at the ultimate end. She shook her head, as though trying to clear the thought away.

"Glad to hear that you still care for someone at least," she muttered, turning away and clenching and unclenched her fists. The Priduex's words rang through her mind, from the day he had come to see her at St.Mungos.

"You still got me, and if you care about me even the tiniest bit, you'll never do this again. Understood? Because fuck, Grayson, do you think I'd be totally alright with you dying? Do you think your friends would, your sister, even your brother? You might think they all hate you, but they don't!"

As much as she wanted to believe him, she couldn't; seeing as what all was happening right now.

"I AM NOT HER ANYMORE!" She screamed, not breathing in regular patterns. "SHE WAS A LUNATIC! SHE ABANDONED HER FRIENDS!" The moment she said that, Cosette paused. That was...what she did. She abandoned her friends for a grandmother she only knew for less than six months.She had been thinking of her friends and family every waking moment, but she took no step to reunite them. To contact them. She was... a coward. A bloody coward. She was no Hrabrost. Stumbling, Cosette collapsed, and groped around for something to lean on too. Coward, your a coward. Nobody wants to talk to you, her mind whispered. Your a ex-drunkie, a insane seventeen year old. You haven't even ccompleted your seventh year. "I-Iris," She whispered, a tear falling. "I want to turn back time. I-I don't want to live this life anymore! I want everything to be perfect. Perfectly perfect." Would her sister help her after abandoning her?

She let go of Iris's shoulders, hurt clear in her eyes. But understanding was also there. Living under the name Cosette Holender was insanity itself. "I still love you," Cosette whispered, her voice rough with emotion. She knew exactly what was going on her sister's head. "I was an idiot, but I can't fix my mistakes. I'm pretty sure that if we haven't met today, I would have still came back somehow. You and I, we are connected."

"I don't think I deserve anybody's forgiveness. I am the murderer of friendship."

"No, YOU are a lunatic and it was YOU who abandoned everyone!" The brunette shouted just as loudly, not caring about the fact that they were probably attracting some attention. There were more pressing matters at hand. "Do you have any idea how lucky you are to have so many loving friends and people in your life?" She asked quietly, her voice void of any sudden emotion. "Fate would never be that nice to me. It took me years to find just one person, and now two, who gives a shit about me." She was only referring to Eye and Alec, excluding Hades, seeing as he was in another category. She scoffed and rolled her eyes, "You think it is so easy to just undo everything? Believe me when I say, it is not."

It was something the Gryffindor knew very well.

"Well, you have the worst way of showing it," she shrugged her shoulders, feeling frustrated with her sister. "I do not care about love anymore Kaitlen, I thought I was the heartless and emotionless one, but turns out I'm not as bad as you. And of course we're connected, two fucked up minds such as ours has got to be," she added.

Iris sighed, "You are not a murderer of anything, so shut the fuck up. You can begin by going back and apologizing to your friends back at that school of yours. You are familiar with the term, yes?" She asked with a smirk.

Normally, Cosette will say that Iris was luckier than Cos. But they both knew it was untrue- they both were the same amount of unlucky and lucky. Iris killed before. Cosette was raised with a drug addict. Iris was without a home for a little bit there. Cosette lacked the proper child care. They both were victims of kidnapping and death-attempts from their mother.

But still, she was going to hold her ground.

"My social life was crumbling away before I ran away! Lena and I were at each others throats! Anya and Lena were ready to kill each other! Lora and Dylan was stuck between it!" A sob caught at her throat. "Maybe it was better that I disappeared. Maybe I should just disappear again, though keep in touch with you," Cosette added hurriedly. Coward. Coward. Coward. You worthless piece of a coward. She knew it too.

"How can I make it up? Please Iris! Your my only sister!" The 'pureblood' sent pleading eyes towards her. It killed her to know that her sister was angry at her. She hated begging, but to Cosette, family was everything. They were worth it.

"They'll- They'll be angry at me. I can't take that.... I just can't. But I want to talk to them again! I miss them so much..." Never before she realized how much her friends meant to her. Not this much, not at his scale. Being away from them willingly.... that was torture.

Iris scoffed and shook her head in disappointment at her sister's comments. "You know why you are a coward, Kait? It is because you ran away from the real problem, instead of standing up to it. You could have stayed and helped yourself and your friends, but instead, you chose to avoid it. If you want to disappear again, go ahead but I will not be part in making your friends more miserable." She stated.

"I told you, the only way to make up for it is to go and fucking apologize," she said, unaffected by the Hrabrost's begging, though a small part of her wanted nothing to do except hug her and let her know everything was going to be fine. But Kait had to know that her actions had consequences.

"Stop saying what you want and just go do it!" The Gryffindor growled. "I can tell you for sure that they will not be as angry as they are now, if you go back to them."

"How could I help myself when my friends are facing huge problems too?" Kait questioned, shaking her head. "No, I was at the breaking point. I didn't know what to do. The letter offered me a way to get better, and when I did get better, come back again, able to help them." Kait wrapped herself, and shook her head. "I wished I was strong enough able to stay. But.... I was hurting myself. I was close to giving up completely. I was proud-still am- so I wasn't able to got to others and ask for help. I couldn't talk. My mouth and mind weren't connecting very well when I actually felt like talking."

"O.K., I will!" She screamed, standing up now. "But if they don't want me to be there anymore- you do know that I will give up right? I... You, Game, and the Seven Devils are my life. And Lilith and Gray Moon. Heck, I felt like dying when Gray Moon was killed! Years ago, I vowed to make sure I won't become close to anybody so I won't get hurt. But look at how well that worked!" Kait threw her arms up and started pacing. "Sometimes I think, I am too close."

"Believe me Kait, anything is better than running away," the Gryffindor muttered. "If you were at a breaking point, you go talk to your friends, that is what they are for. Do you even realize how damn lucky you are to have so many who care for you? Who noticed your absence so quickly?" Iris was never able to get that many friends. Then again, she had never tried that hard enough. She was content being by herself. She was alone from the beginning and she was ready to be alone even now.

She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "Then fucking give up your pride for once and remember that they won't think anything less of you, if you ask for help. In fact...they would feel glad that you trust them enough to assist you."

"They will want you back, they always will. Kait, I've heard the way you talk about them, and they do not sound the type of people who'd give up on forever. They will be angry yes, but eventually they'll forgive." The brunette was talking from her own experience with Hades, and even with Alec when she told him that...
"Do not be like me," she murmured with a humourless smile. "Do not be scared to let people in. It is good you are close, not a bad thing."

"If I was aware that a few people do care, I probably would not have tried to kill myself."

"I'm not everybody. I am not the person who even sort of depends on other people. I prefer doing this by myself. So if I have a problem, I will do it myself," Kait snarled. Running her fingers through her hair, Kait huffed.

"Easier said than done. Do you think it is easy!? All my life, even before Durmstrang, I have been taking care of myself!" Kait growled, frustrated. She knew she made a mistake but nobody tried to step into her shoes and tried to see how it was for her! "My bedroom was a little corner, with a rotted mattress! I stole money for food! I had a drug addict for a mother! I had to learn to escape the house when she brings a boyfriend home, because he was more than likely to beat me!" The brunette shook her head and a broken sob escaped. "I went to Durmstrang believing that I can go through anything, and without no help! I still believe that at times! All because I managed to go through that household for eleven years, without help."

"I let people in," Kait whispered. "Too easily." Then she paused and stared at her. She walked over to her, and grabbed the sides of her face. "You tell me Iris, right now, why and when you tried to commit suicide. If it was recent, I swear to whoever is watching us right now, I kill you."

"You think I don't know how you feel?! Believe me, no one but me knows you feel right at this instant," the Gryffindor snapped at her sister. "I fucking hate asking for help as well. Of course, people see it as a fault but guess what? It is not something that I can fix, no matter how much it annoys them."

She smiled humourlessly and nodded her head sadly. Kait had mentioned these things before, but every time that she did, all Iris could feel was angry and frustrated that they did not have each other during those times. "It wasn't so easy living on the streets either dude, and have every single family reject me because they thought I was retarded or something," she muttered. "Anyway, this is not a pity party. At the end of the day, we're the strong ones who can get through any shit."

"It was not recently, it was last year, if you must know," she rolled her eyes and pushed the Hrabrost's hands away. "Game was there, actually. But he didn't do anything to stop me, just said that it wasn't good for me or some shit like that. I don't know what the hell he meant by that, but I don't think he really minded. And do not bother yelling at me, I already heard enough from Alec," she added, not realizing that Kait didn't know about the Priduex.