cold and lost in desperation

She tore through the forest, hands clenched to her sides, her breathing ragged. But she could hardly hear that sound. Because the only thing she could hear were the voices in her head.

There were the usual ones, Honey and Ava arguing. But it was worse than just the two of them. There were more now. They weren't as loud, but they easily outnumbered the two she'd grown used to. They kept murmuring, whispering half finished ideas before they were overtaken by another voice.

"Stop it!" she screeched, coming to a sudden halt. Her fingers itched, the sudden need to destroy anything and everything in her path taking over. Her blue eyes scanning the wooded area, she fell to her knees, tearing at the bush in front of her.

She hardly noticed the thorns or the blood as it began to run down her hands. The voices hadn't stopped and that was the only thing that mattered to her right now.

Sooner or later, the things in life you lose.

Jumping at the singing, she whirled around, staring wide eyed into the empty forest. There was no one around who could have possibly made that.

"Stop it," she murmured, tears beginning to well in her eyes. "STOP IT." Pulling herself up to her feet, resisting the urge to bash her head into a tree, she let out a strangled sob.

And then she was running again, her movements jerky and blind, the tears obstructing her vision. She ran and she ran until she simply couldn't anymore.

Collapsing half a mile away, she gasped, breathing hard. "Stop it," she whispered, her voice raspy. Hugging herself, she pulled herself into a ball, leaning against the base of a tree. "Just - stop."

"They won't stop if you run from them." His voice was soothing, soft as he kneeled before her, sitting back on his haunches to look down at her. "You have to tell them to stop head on, or nothing gets accomplished."

He sat crossed legged in front of her, far enough away to give her space, but not too far for her to touch if she were to reach for him. He canted his head to the side slightly as he examined her. Concern shined in his soft brown eyes as he stayed perfectly distant from her, careful to not stray into any closeness she would deem too violating.

He only wanted to help her.

"I hope you're alright." He murmured. "It wouldn't do for someone as pretty as you to be hurt."

She was cold. How was she cold? It was the middle of summer for Godric's sake! But despite the unreasonable nature of the situation (And when had her life ever been reasonable?), she shivered. Maybe it was the remnants of the flu that had plagued her not so long ago.

Whatever it was, it made her feel worse than she already did.

Instantly, she shied away from the new voice. No. No. She didn't need another voice telling her what to do. Shaking her head, she let out a little gasp of air, her arms tightening around herself.

It was only at the sound of the grass shifting underneath the speaker's feet that she looked up, observing the boy for a moment. "I've tried that," Savannah said finally, her voice still raspy. "I've tried. I've tried. And - And it doesn't work."

Swallowing the lump in her throat to keep herself from crying again, she took a deep shuddering breath, rubbing at her cheeks furiously. "I hope so too," she murmured under her breath, closing her eyes as the voices spiked again, almost blocking out the boy's next words.

She blinked her eyes open, staring blankly at him. Pretty? She had to look like a mess. She'd been crying. She'd been running through this forest for what felt like hours. And he thought she was pretty? She must've misheard. "Thank you," she said anyway, rubbing at her head.

“Perhaps you’re thinking about it the wrong way.” Zander offered, clasping his hands together and glancing around. He leaned forward the slightest bit, a small boy about to divulge a huge secret. “You’re stronger than they are, you know.” He frowned at the air around them, where the voices were sure to be. “You hear me? She’s stronger than you. She’s the one with the body – a perfectly nice body, I might add – and you’re all just trying to confuse her. That isn’t very nice, is it?” He frowned again, before looking back at the girl.

“You are stronger than them, I mean, if you learned Occlumency, you’d be able to keep them out of your head, but I dunno if you’ve studied that already.” He shrugged again. He knew next to nothing about the girl across from him, other than the fact that she was in pain, and that he never wished that upon anyone.

“Think of it this way. They’re all hitch hikers, and you’re driving the car. Though you wish you could pull over and pick up each one of them, you really can’t, can you? Your car isn’t that big, not really. Barely enough room for yourself.” Zander nodded then, offering her a bright smile. “Perhaps if you imagined dropping them all off in their proper destination, and then closing and locking your doors so they couldn’t come back… maybe that would work?” It was a roundabout show of Occlumency that Maestro Kirke had taught him once, but it was only going to work if she - the girl – focused on imagining it. He hoped he had explained it in a way that she could. Perhaps she didn’t know what a car was? That would be unfortunate.

He waited patiently for her to try, even as his mind searched for the magical equivalent of it.

She glanced up at him curiously, though her expression wasn't totally devoid of suspicion. She welcomed his kindness, but part of her couldn't help but feel worry. Still, she sat up a little straighter, tilting her head slightly.

Stronger....Savannah always had prided herself on her strength. It'd gotten her onto the Gryffindor Quidditch team as a Beater after all, hadn't it? And the people who'd been on the receiving end on anything she'd thrown at them should think that.

"You hear them too?" she gasped, staring wide eyed at him. Now she sat up even straighter, her hands clasped in her lap and her expression rapt. Nodding along to his words, she added, "You're all just too loud. If you just talked one a time and quieter, that'd at least be better." Nodding decisively, she brushed her hair back over her shoulder.

"Hogwarts doesn't have Occlumency. We used to, back when my mentor taught, but - but not anymore." Her expression fell at the thought of Rosie, and she chewed on her bottom lip, sighing softly. Would the pain accompanied with thinking of her never end? "But - you think it'd work?" At this point, she was desperate for something - anything - that could work. She'd been plagued for much too long.

Savannah tilted her head at his suggestion, and she frowned ever so slightly. Would that work? But for the most part, that wasn't how she thought about the voices. Admittedly, she hardly thought about them when they weren't speaking. They were simply there, a fact of life she had to live with.

Closing her eyes and leaning back against the tree trunk, she took in a deep breath. Almost instantly, the low buzzing noise in her head increased, becoming easier to discern into individual voices. And the singing. Why was there still someone singing? Rubbing at her forehead, she frowned before clearing her expression. She needed to concentrate.

'Imagine dropping them all off at their proper destination', that'd been what he'd said, hadn't it? The singing was the first one she centred on. Leave, she thought, her fingernails digging into the fabric of her shirt. Just - leave.

And for a brief moment, the singer did. Blinking her eyes open, she grinned brightly. In the grand scheme of things, one voice wasn't amazing, but a success was a success. "I did it!" She grinned, clapping her hands together.

But then, like a cruel twist of fate, the singer slipped back into the car, belting out at the top of her lungs. Savannah flinched, hugging herself. "Or maybe not," she muttered.