Why Me? (Hayden/Sam)

Hayden made her way over to the lake, shaking in the cold biting wind.

She brushed her damp blonde curls from her wet face and sat by the lake. Rolling up her sleeves of her shirt, she dipped her feet into the freezing water.

Looking down at her stomach, just made her sob even more.

Rubbing at her red eyes, she tried to wipe away traces of tears but it failed as she thought of Hades. "WHY ME!?!" she shouted, her voice raspy and weak.

She dug her nails into the dirt and she thought back to her mistake.

What if he didn't want her anymore?

What if she was bad?

After all, she couldn't even protect herself.

She glared at the calm sea, envying it's simple life.

Sam was taking Wolfie for a walk around the lake, enjoying the scenery for one last time before he and Crystella were due to return to the muggle world, which was very soon.

Wolfie whined worridly and ran off. Sam chased after him and was suprised to see Hayden sat there, looking pretty distruaght about something.

Wolfie lay by her side and licked her hand. He threw Sam a concerned look, looking backwards and forwards from him to Hayden.

Sam approached her, concerned about his friend he held so dear.

"Hayden... Are you alright? Has something happened?"
He knelt beside her and stroked her face with his hand.
"You look like you wanna burst out screaming or crying."
He wrapped his arms around her in a hug.

She was suddenly licked by Wolfie. "Stop it!" she demanded, pushing the dog away. "Where's Sam?" she asked, quickly wiping away her tears not wanting anyone to see her weak.

When Sam asked if she was okay, she looked at him and her gray eyes watered.

"Do i like okay?" she snapped, turning back to the lake and sniffing as if she was about to start crying again.

She felt his arm round her frail body and she turned and curled into him. Hayden looked up at his worried face and burst into tears.

Wolfie whimpered sadly as Hayden pushed him away and looked up at Sam. They had never seen her this way before. She was always so sweet and happy, so Sam knew something was seriously wrong.

"Im sorry" He spoke softly. "Stupid question i guess." His heart jumped as she burst into tears. He pulled her close into him so she could bury her face in his chest and stroked her back and hair comfortingly, giving her time to cry it out. He had to fight back tears of his own, crushed to see his friend this way.

His sense hadnt been woring properly. After 10 minutes, he asked softly, "You dont have to say babe, i'll keep quiet if you want...but, is this something to do with Hades?"
He suddenly got a jolt from her as he touched her. No... it couldnt be? This wasnt anything to do with a pregnancy was it...?

She leant into his embrace, sobbing her heart out.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you" she cried.

She nodded as he asked about Hades. "It's my fault. I should have used something" she yelled weakly, her head spinning.

Hayden looked up at him and saw his panicked face, "What's wrong?" she asked before shivering voliently from the cold.

Suddenly feeling sick, she pulled away from him and rested her forehead on her knees, trying to get rid of the sick feeling in her stomach.

"Hey hey hey" He shushed and cooed comfortingly. "Its ok, you dont need to apologize Hayden honey." Wolfie nuzzled her arm to show he forgave her too.

"And heey, dont go blaming yourself. It takes two to tango in that field. Hades has responsibilities to you too you know"

He took his coat off and wrapped it round her shoulder when he saw her shiver.

She looked like she was going to be sick, which was just helping confirm his suspicions. Was this morning sickness maybe?

"Hayden..." He rubbed her back and took hold of one of her hands. "Are you... are you pregnant...?"

"Hayden..." He rubbed her back and took hold of one of her hands. "Are you... are you pregnant...?"

She stroked Wolfie to say sorry and snuggled against Sam's warmness.

She looked at him to say 'Don't argue with me' and whispered weakly, "No, I should have said no or used something..or...or...".

Smiling her thanks at Sam, Hayden pulled the coat from her shivering form.

Swallowing down some bile in her throat, she closed her eyes as he rubbed her back.

"How...how did you guess?" she asked, wincing at her raspy voice before bursting into tears once more.

He felt awful for making her cry and pulled her back in for a hug.

"It wasnt really that hard to guess...my sense helps as well... and theres no point beating yourself up with shoulda-coulda-wouldas now."

He stroked her cheek with his thumb to wipe her tears away as they fell from her eyes. They were such beautiful eyes, it wasnt fair to see them so full of sadness.

"I wish i could have been here for you sooner... it must have been a shock when you found out... I take it you havent told him yet...?"

He didnt expect her to have given much thought to a discussion about it until she got her head around the whole thing; pregnant and not knowing what to do and or how to feel.
"I am here if you need anything honey. You need anything at anytime...thats what friends are for..."

She sobbed on his shoulder, soaking his shirt with her tears.

"But it's my fault" she wailed, hiding behind her blonde curls.

She tried to smile as he wiped away her tears and half-frowned at his concerned face.

"It was a shock" she whispered, feeling the lump return to her throat.

"No, I havent" she whispered, ashamed. "But.. what if he doesnt want it? His always said we could start a family in a FEW years. What if I'm a bad mother? What if the baby doesn't like me? What if..." she trailed off, crying again at the thoughts of what if's.

"Thank you Sam" she whispered, hugging him.

Sam hated that she was taking all the blame and beaitng herslef up so much.
"Well it would be a shock babe" He stroked her hair. "You dont have to feel bad over all of this. You may think its the end of the world but there are always other options here."

She started going off an a shame-spiral. He put a finger to her lips and bade her shhh. "What if its not going to be as bad as you think it is? He may change his mind, hell im sure any man would want to do anything to make you happy. And you cant think that about yourself. Iv often wondered what id be like as a friend, husband, father, but im never goin to know until it all happens." He looked at her and smiled and kissed the back of her hand. "Everything will be alright babe. You dont have to tell him yet, just when you feel ready."

He rocked her gently in a hug and sang softly "dont worry...about a thing... coz every little thing... is going to be alright..."

He wish he could better understand how Hayden was feeling right now. He didnt know whether she was sure that she wanted to have and keep the baby or not. If she did want to have it though but felt she wasnt ready to be a mother just yet, Sam did say he'd do anything for her, he'd look after the baby if she wanted. But he was getting ahead of things. Still, it was weird to think of Hayden's slender frame sporting a baby bump.

"Other options?" she questioned, tearfully. She was glad Sam was trying to help her and was happy it was him that found her as he was one of her closest friends.

Hayden found herself ranting and then suddenly a finger was on her mouth. "And if he doesn't? Sammy, Can i ask you something" she inquired, looking up at him expectantly.

"I need to tell him it's his baby" she said, softly.

She lay in his arms, listening to his voice. He certainly wasn't a singer but his voice was husky and warm.

Hayden leant against pondering her options. Should she keep the baby? What if he didn't want it? Would she be able to provide for the child? What if the baby didn't like her? She stiffled a sob. Reading his mind, she let out a half-sob-half-cry as she saw his mental image of her with a bump.

Sniffling slightly, she looked up at Sam. "Sam, IF i kept this baby and he didn't want it. Would you help me look after it?" she asked, her eyes hopeful.

"Yea other options, like adoption and things." He hoped he was saying the right things and being helpful in some way. She looked up at him expectantly.

"Sure, you know you can ask me anything." He stroked the side of her face as she leant into him.

"You know, if you need help telling him, im there for you if you need it."

They looked seriously at each other for a moment.
Hopefully she asked him "If i kept this baby but he didnt want it, would you help me look after it?"

Any other rperson would panic with that put upon them but Sam just smiled down warmly at her and kissed her forehead. "Of course i would, i'd do anything for you Hayden. I love you to pieces. And im sure Hades does too, very much. And if you did keep the baby, i know that it would come to love you immensly as well. Dont get so hett up yet babe, you've still got time to think this over."
He tucked his coat around her so that it covered her better to keep her warm. Wolfie rested his chin on her lap and gave her a loving look that said 'i'd look after you too'.

"Adoption? By other things you mean abortion, don't you?" she suddenly looked sick.

She looked at Sam and asked "How am i meant to tell him?".

She searched his face as she asked if he'd help her raise her child. Her gray eyes nervously prodded his, looking for an answer.

She wondered if he'd panick or say no. Sam smiled and kissed her forehead and she relaxed.

"Thank you Sammy. I love you too. Hopefully it would love me" she said, wistfully staring off into the distance.

Stroking Wolfie, Hayden curled into Sam and nuzzled into his neck.

Sam looked down and away ashamed. He was a pro-choice believer, but still didnt want to throw an option like that at Hayden and sound heartless; it was her choice at the end of the day and he would be there to support her no matter what it was.

"I dont really know... do something nice with him that he likes doing, at least that'll sweeten him up or soften the blow of the shock when you do. Or try to bring it in as a topic of casual conversation. Or i could always take him out for a drink and tell him in your place if you feel you cant. Or you could even pretend you dont know and use one of my visions as an excuse to go find out together and see how he reacts."

Sam stroked her face as she nuzzled into him. "Of course it would love you, how could it not. Besides, you are surrounded by people who love you and would be there for you. You dont have to go through all this alone or be afraid."

He pulled out a bag of chocolate hearts from his coat pocket and offered her one. Chocolate usually helped make things better.

"Sam, I want to keep the baby" she whispered, hoping to herself that she was making the right decision.

"I think it would be best to tell him outright" she looked nervous and started biting her nails. Hopefully they would have another arguement.

"Like who would support me? Apart from you and Gabe" she said, quietly. She was so afraid but she wouldn't admit it. Starrstones always hid they're emotions.

She saw him pull out a bag of chocolate hearts, she usually loved chocolate but now she felt sick. Very badly sick.

"If thats what you want, then i swear i'll be here to get you through it."

She looked nervous. Was it that Hades wasnt the most understanding of people? You think he'd jump at the chance to start a family and put whatever bad memories of the past behind him.

Sam tied one of his pendant neckalces around her neck. "Its for strength; i'll be with you supporting you in spirit if i cant be there in person."

Sam thought for a minute. He didnt really know Hayden's circle of family or friends. "Well, me, Gabe, Cryssie, Wolfie...im sure other members of the staff would be able to offer you their support."

He picked up a vibe that said she was on more emotional turmoil than she was letting on. Maybe the Starrsotnes and the Howlins were similar in the way they could be open to people, but preferred to keep their emotions bottled up.

Seeing how the chocolate hearts werent helping with her morning sweetness, he put them away and withdrew some special suck-sweets from his coat instead. They were dipped in a potion that banished things like pain, tierdness, sickness, anxiety.
"Here, try one of these instead. They work like medicine only they taste a lot nicer."

"Thank you Sam" she smiled, softly, wrapping her arms round his neck.

She scanned his thoughtful face. "What's wrong?" Hayden asked Sam, worriedly. Was he having second thoughts about helping her?

She grinned weakly as he tied his pendant necklace round her neck. "Thanks. But you'll be there right. I'll even let the rascal call you Uncle Sam" she smirked.

She snorted at his attempted to think of people who would help her. "Yes, you, Gabe, Cryssie, Wolfie, Cobie, Gene and Leah-Maybe" she said, drawing her knees to her chest.

"Sam. I'm scared" she whispered. She hated to admit it but she trusted Sam that he would use it against her.

Placing a hand on her still flat stomach, she lay on the damp grass. "I'm scared...because i don't want to be like my parents" she admitted, tears falling from her eyes again.

Taking the sweet, she popped it in her mouth and smiled at the cherry flavour. She nodded her thanks at Sam and curled into him, stroking Wolfie as well.

"Nothing" He smiled. "My mind just wanders away from me at times."
He wouldnt wavor in his promise to help Hayden. It was just the things that Cryssie had said, and he was worried that Kerew might hurt Hayden to get to Sam. He was worried if he would be good enough to help Hayden, or would he fial miserably like he had done in everytihng else in his life?

He shook these thoughts away and a tear came to his eyes at the thought of being "uncle Sam". Although his father and uncle hadnt shown him much love, Sam had a lot of love to give.
"Ha ha, yea the kid'll love that, an uncle he or she can beat up and use as a portable radiator in the winter."

"Well see, so there are people you can turn to. You're not alone; you'll never have to be."

He hated seeing her so upset. He lay on the grass beside her and wrapped his arms around her as she curled into him. He summised her father was a bit of a bimhole, but he never knew about her mother.
"Well, then dont be like you're parents. You're you, not them. Im certainly not like my father, and i dont ever plan to be." He kissed her hand and squoze it to show he was there for her.
"You dont need to be afriad Hayden." He rested his head on hers and stroked her back comfortingly.

He parodied a classic song by Ben.E.King and sang softly "Oh Hayden, Hayden, i'll stand, by you, always staaand by you, i'll stand now, stand by you. Whenever you're in trouble i'll be theee-ee-re for you, always baaaa-heee-abe for you, i'll stand there, stand by you..."

She looked at him, probing his mind. "Sam, Who's Kerew?" she asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

She noticed the tear come to his eye at the thought of being 'Uncle Sam' and hugged him. "Haha. That child will be so spoilt having you as an uncle. Not spoilt by money but spoilt by love. It will be loved by me and you" she smiled, softly, hugging him.

"Hopefully" she said, softly.

Hayden lay protected in his arms. She laughed as he kissed her hand. "I know but i cant help but feel afraid" she said as he stroked her back.

"You're wondering about my family, aren't you?" she questioned. "I tell you stuff. No one knows about me. I was the youngest child of the most respected pureblooded family in Italy. I had two older siblings: Gabe and Tori" she said, her eyes watering slightly.

"My father was an abusive man and his in Azkban now. He used to beat me and my siblings. When i was 9, he took it too far and killed Tori with spell that crushs your insides. He made it himself. My mum covered for him and said she died of dragon pox. My brother was bitten by a werewolf and disowned, making me the only living heir. I survived through this abuse until i was 16. I went to the ministry and told them everything and they believed me. My father was sent down. However my mother refused to talk to me and we haven't spoken since" she whispered, properly crying again.

She listened to him sing to her and laughed weakly as he changed the lyrics. She had heard the song once on a muggle radio. Joinging in, she sang also. "If the sky that we look upon should tumble and fall and the mountains should crumble to the sea. I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear. Just as long as you stand, stand by me".

Sam kept forgetting that some of the professors here were mindreaders.
"Kerew..." The name sickened him and put a bitter taste in his mouth. "Is a horrible person from my past that i hope you never have to meet becuase he is a complete and total psychopathic ass. Im not sure if i've told you that Cryssie is seriosuly sick? Thats down to him."

In a way, Sam wished that he could be the father to the baby instead; that way Hayden might not have to feel so worried. But in another way he was glad that she wasnt involved in his family's messed up history.
He liked lying there with her. Although he loved Crystell very much, he couldnt deny that he also held Hayden very dearly in his heart.

His froze with sheer disbelief and shock when she told him about her family. His jaw dropped, but he couldnt speak, everything came out in shellshocked croaks. He had no idea what Hayden had had to go through in her life. If only they could have met years ago so he could have been for her as a friend sooner. He didnt mean for her to rake up things from her past that upset her.
"Im... im so sorry Hayden" He didnt know what else to say.

He rocked her in his arms and let her cry it out again. Something told him that she had kept a lot of things bottled up inside for a long time. He thought he had had it bad; it wasnt filled with anywhere near as much hardship as some of the other professors.

It wasnt an appropriate thought, but Sam wondered if maybe it would help if she had Tori back in her life. Sam's sister Saizilia had some power over life and death; she had crossed into the underworld and back many times. If he begged and begged her, maybe one day she would find it in her heart to do this one thing.

"Well im telling you know Hayden, you're a beautiful, strong, kind woman, and you're nothing like your parents. You dont have to worry about turning into them becuase you wont. And im always going to be around to make sure of that."

He thought about his own past. The only bad times was when his uncle got drunk and always took his frustrations out on Sam. Its how he got his 'sense' in the first place by being smashed over the head with a heavy glass bottle. As well as his forehead under his hair, he had scars on his lower back where his uncle had whipped him with a thick steel chain on nights of Sam's transformation. The boot-camp like training when he would blast at him, scream at him to defend himself or else Sam got punished or burnt with a poker. When his uncle stopped drinking, it was mostly just verbal abuse. Still, at least when he was sober he had time to listen to Sam, which was more than his own father did.

He smiled down at Hayden and wiped away her tears with his thumb again.
"I'll always stand by you Hayden, in some shape or form. Dont you worry about that."

"I'm sorry for bringing him up" she said, "I didn't know. Isn't he nice to anyone? Poor Cryssie. What did he do?" she asked, hoping he wouldn't be upset with her inquires.

She laughed when she read Sam's thoughts about being the daddy. "Me too. But if Hades' doesn't want it. I'll tell it that your the daddy" she smiled though the smile didn't reach her eyes.

She loved laying there with him. He made her feel safe and protected. He was truely a darlin'.

"Sam, close your jaw" she joked, sniffling. "It's okay. I feel better having it off my chest. It wasn't just beatings that broke to me it was...other things. Things that a man should never do, not to his daughter" she whispered, tears rolling down her face again.

She felt protected him his arms as he rocked her, sobbing loudly.

She read his thought and looked at him seriously. "No, Sam it's better for her to be gone. She would be able to deal with the aftermath. She was never as strong as me and Gabe. She was 15 when she died. That bastard killed her because she planned to take 9 year old me and 14 year old Gabe with her. She was going to England to live with her boyfriend. He was a muggleborn you see" she whispered.

"Thank you" she whispered, choked up about his promises.

She read his thoughts again. And saw his past. "Sam, thats dreadful" she whimpered, tears coming to her eyes again and she hugged him.

"I have many scars too and i can say how i got each one of them. That bastard made sure of it" she said, her voice weak and wobbly.

"And I'll stand by you. Me and you against the world" she laughed.

"You dont have to apologize babe. He can pretend to be nice if he can get what he wants. He used to pretend he was my best friend as long as i took the fall for him." He didnt mind her asking; it was good that they felt comfortable enough to share things with eachother.
"He erm... well he created a sick little trick of his own... he can give people this horrible disease that puts the person into a comma and destroys the body and mind bit at a time until theres nothing left but a shell. She hasnt got that much time left. Its why i have to leave for the muggle world soon to find her. The Cryssie you've met is Cryssie mind wise, just not body wise. Its a doppleganger puppet she made to go on living through until my sister could cure her. Its kind of her and my sisters thing, making puppet versions of themselves or puppets to serve them. It really used to freak me out."

That was a scary thought for him, being a dad, but a nice one all the same and a role he would be happy to fill.

Sam was filled with rage, not sure of what this man had done but he could guess, the sick git. Sam wanted to rip this guy apart cell by cell. He hated what other men thought they could do to women just for being women. In a way, he was proud to be different; chivalrous and respectful.

He felt an idiot. He'd have to keep his thoughts under control if he wanted to stop upsetting her; he didnt mean to. "Ok... forgive me Hayden... forget i thought anything... im an idiot." He was ashamed. But he nudged her in a halfhearted joke "And hey, stay out of my head you nosy thing"

He shushed her and told her not to cry. "Hey hey, you dont need to cry for me." His own eyes teared up. "But if you want, we can cry for eachother."

"Scars can be sucky memories. But they can also be medals that say we lived through something and it made us stronger. They mark the body, but they do not break the person."

"Yea... me and you agaisnt the world. Always." Sam held Hayden tightly to him. Wolfe growled lowly at him. "Im sorry buddy, you, me and Wolfie against the world, 'cause he's always going to be by your side to protect you too."

"And i have to be careful round him, why?" she asked, after all she had most men wrapped round her finger.

"Oh Godric! Are they anywhere near to finding a cure?" she inquired, her eyes wide. She was glad he trusted her enough to tell her these...secrets.

"And if not daddy then you have already been offered the role of Uncle. No wait, the role of favourite uncle" she smirked, pushing her blonde curls out of her eyes.

She placed her hand on her slightly curved stomach. "When do they start kicking?" she asked, excited.

"Your not an idoit!" she exclaimed. "Your a lovely, kind, sweet, respectful, protective man" she smiled, kissing his cheek (in a friendly way).

"I like knowing things" she smirked, pouting playfully at his joke.

"No, no more crying. I think its bad to be depressed" she whispered, lifting her shirt, looking down at the still flat stomach that only had the slightest curve to it.

"Scars can be sucky memories. But they can also be medals that say we lived through something and it made us stronger. They mark the body, but they do not break the person." She smiled as he said this.

"Oh i almost forgot. Urgh. I'm going to be a sucky mother!! Me, you, Wolfie and bebe against the world" she exclaimed.

"Becuase he's not a sucker for a pretty face, even if its as beautiful as yours. He sick and doesnt care about circumstances; if he wants to he will kill you, and begging for your life just makes him laugh. He's a sicko, the things he's done.." Sam shuddered. And then sighed sadly. "No unfortunately... there's only 2 options left now...and my sister wouldnt advise any of them but if it saves my Cryssie then i dont care..."

He laughed. "No i think Gabe would be the favorite uncle ha ha. I think i'd be more like a playmate than anything." Wolfie barked. "Yes, im sure the baby would love you too Wolfie. He could give the baby horsey rides the size of him ha ha"

Sam looked down at her stomach. "You've go a while to wait yet ha ha. You're probably only like a few weeks gone. I thinks its about 5 months or more... but im a man, and i could never stay in PSHE lessons to hear this stuff 'cause it made me cringe ha ha" He was glad to see she was happy about the baby situation now.

He blushed and smiled sweetly and kissed her on the cheek back. "Thanks Haid. Dont let Hades hearing you compliment me though, or he'll think he's got competition ha ha."

Sam smacked his head. "But of course! How silly of me." He spoke to the stomach. "Sorry baby, we didnt mean to forget you, we promise not to do it again." He looked back at Hayden. "Yea, us four agaisnt the world."

He suddenly had a quick mini seizure, which was weird and had never happened before. He saw a vision of an adorable little girl with beautiful golden curls and eyes that shone silver like moonlight. He had never experienced this before; it was Saizilia who possessed the ability to look into the future like his mother, not him. The closest he had gotten to seeing things without sensing it from others was through his dreams.

He looked down at Hayden and smiled warmly. He didnt want to ruin the suprise for her and Hades, but he had a feeling the baby was going to be a gorgeous little girl, just like Hayden.

"Maybe his a sucker for danger. Pretty face and danger, wouldn't he like that? Then i could get him" she sighed.

"Nah, you could be the favourite not-blood related uncle. And Wolfie. I'm sure it will adore you" she grinned, stroking the big dog and laying against Sam's chest.

"Arr, Thats ages" she frowned before laughing at his PSHE comment.

"He already has competiton!" she laughed, hugging him. She smiled as he blushed.

"It's going to love you Sammy" she smiled, placing his hand on her stomach.

"Sam, Sam, SAMUEL!" she yelled as he had a seizure. She pulled herself up and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Sam. What happened?" she asked, worried.