Which Bridge to Burn

Casey had run outside automatically after that kiss with James. Instinctively, she veered towards the Quidditch Pitch, but then she realized that she had told him that she went there. So she instead took a sharp turn and climbed into the Owlry through the outside entrance. She went up- always the direction she has preferred- climbing the shelves until she reached a clean, empty one which she sat on, drawing her knees up to her chest. Her whole body shuddered as she sobbed.

Casey was frustrated with her inability to choose. "I'm an Empath for Merlin's sake," she yelled out loud. "Shouldn't I know what I'm feeling, at the very least?" She could feel him approaching searching for her, and she buried her head in her knees, hoping to muffle the sound of her crying. With a visible effort, she pushed the sobs down and tried to slow the tears as he entered the Owlry below her.

James had searched everywhere for Casey, he even checked the Quidditch Pitch where he knew she liked to go. He stood around for a moment, when his eye caught someone running towards the Owlry.

"Casey." he mumbled to himself. "Casey!" he shouted then as he ran after her.

He ran across the field as fast as he could, up the steps to the Owlry, and pushed the door open. The stench of owls and droppings filled his nose, but he didn't care, he had to find Casey. Slowly he began to ascend the stairs that spiraled all the way up to the roof, he searched for her.

When he heard light sobbing, he turned to his left and saw a small figure sitting in one of the clean shelves where an owl would normally be. He cautiously walked towards her, and when he reached her, he cleared a spot on the floor with his wand and kneeled in front of her.

"Casey," he said slowly. "Casey, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do, to help? I understand, that you still feel something for him, I won't hate you if you told me you do." he said calmly.

She didn't respond right away, so James pulled out a hankerchief, and held it out for her to use if she so desired.

Casey at first didn't look at him. She didn't want to see the hurt on his face, but it didn't matter because she could see its color on her vision, a color somewhere between olive green and mustard yellow that she immediately hated. She looked up at him finally. "I'm so, so sorry James. I don't know what to think anymore, about either of you. I'm sorry I've hurt you."

Casey took the handkerchief, using it to wipe her tears. "How can you not hate me? I'm messing with your emotions as surely as if I were using my ability. I never wanted to hurt you James, but... I love you both. I don't know how to choose."

Casey honestly didn't know how to handle the onslaught of different, confusing feelings that she had. It was like someone had taken all the emotions she could make someone feel and just dumped them all on her at once.

James sighed. He wouldn't say that he wasn't hurt, because he was, but he wasn't going to admit to her that he was either, he knew it would make her feel worse. He also knew that she could see it using her emapthic ablilities.

"Casey, I'm not saying I'm not...hurt, but I really don't hate you." he said honestly. "Look, I may not know much about anything to do with relationships, but I do know when someone is still in love with someone, while feeling something for another. I've had past friends with that problem." he explained gently taking her hands in his.

"I'm not going to make you choose between me and him. If it would help, maybe we could just take some time. So you can figure out how you feel. I'm not going to stop caring about you. If any other girls come onto me, I'll say, "I'm waiting for someone special."" he said smiling a little.

"Would that work? Would that help?" he asked.

Casey felt ashamed of how she hurt him, ducking her head in embarrassment. "I wish I could fix it, but the only way I could take the hurt away would be fake and you'd definitely hate me for it later. I won't tale your emotions like that." She shook her head when he said he didn't hate her. "You should," she mumbled but at the same time she was glad he didn't. She listened to him talk, smiling a little when he took her hands.

Casey looked up at him with greatful, surprised eyes. "You're a saint. You are so patient for me, it's amazing." She sighed and nodded. "I think taking it slow is the only option. I think... I think I'll get to where you are though. I have to let him go eventually." She quirked a little half smile at his words. "Thank you James."

James smiled at her, happy that she thought it best to take it slow. He wanted her to be happy with him, not worried about another guy. He wanted her to be happy in general whether it was with him, or if Liam came back, then with him as well.

"You're welcome. Now, come on. I can't stand the smell of droppings." He said chuckling.

Casey sniffles and smiled a little. "I didn't even notice it." now that she was paying attention, the smell was rather strong. "I guess you don't have an owl then?" she asked as she scooted after him, off the selves and onto the stairs. "My sister..." She trailed off frowning. "Well Lyssa did have an owl. I guess she's mine now." She followed James down the stairs.

When they reached the botto,, she looked up at him. "I guess you're wondering. About Lyssa I mean. Where to start, that's the problem..." she trailed off, gazing into the distance thoughtfully.

James smiled and laughed a little as she wrinkled her nose as she sniffed the air. Shaking his head, he said, "No I don't." They walked down the steps slowly, but eventually managed to reach the bottom.

James nodded a little, admitting that he was a little curious about Lyssa, but didn't want to push her into telling him. "You don't have to tell me yet, if you don't want to." he said holding the door open for her as they left the owlry and stepped out into the warm night.

Casey shook her head. "No,I said I would tell you and I will. Let's see." She sighed. "Well I suppose I should start with the fact that her birth name is Alyssa Black. We adopted her when she and I were both 5. She thought her dad had been killed in a Mafia attack because she had memories of it that gave her nightmares, but a little while ago she left school. Left me a note that said she had found something that indicated that her dad was still alive and held by the Mafia, so basically a half trained, desperate 14 year set out to infiltrate the Mafia and get her dad back." Tears sparkled in her eyes again. "Chances are she's either dead or held captive," Casey said quietly, running her hand through her hair agitatedly.

Casey laughed bitterly. "Add to that my boyfriend disappeared, the boy I count as my brother has a demon inside him and left to get help, my best friend and his boy friend got in a car accident in New York, my family has no money, and I'm currently dealing with leading to control my Empath powers and you'll have a general picture of the shit storm that is my life." She gave him a small, sad half smile. "Not exactly a good place to be right now."

James stayed silent the whole time she spoke, and by the end of it, he had tears slowly falling down his cheeks. He had never really been one to cry, but he had never heard of such a sad story, well some wouldn't call it a story, but he wasn't sure what else to call it. A feeling of guilt washed over him, and a feeling of sadness for her and her family and friends.

Without warning, James pulled Casey into a tight embrace, not tight enough to suffocate her, but enough to hopefully make her feel loved. "Casey, I'm so sorry, and I mean that." he said tears still falling.

"If there is anything you need, anything at all, no matter what it is, just ask, and I'll do my best to help." he said firmly, through tears.

Casey was a bit surprised at his abrupt embrace and stiffened for a second, but then she relaxed and melted into his arms, wrapping her own around him and leaning her head on his chest. "I just want my life to be simple for once," she mumbled into his shirt. "I want- for once in my life- to be normal with normal problems and a normal, safe future to look forward to."

Casey shook her head. "Being here is enough. It will get better, I know. I just with it would hurry up and get better." She tilted her head back, propping her chin on his chest to look up at him. She put a brave smile on her face. "I'll live James. I always have."

James nodded a little, still holding her to him. "I know, I know. And you deserve the life you want, but what would life be if it weren't a little complicated?" he asked gently, as though not to hurt her feelings. "You do have a safe future, Casey, you do. And sure life is complicated now, but it just takes time for all the puzzle pieces to fall into place." he said.

James looked down into her pretty purple eyes, and smiled. "I know, Cass, I know you can." he said leaning down and lightly kissing her forehead. "Come on, let's head inside and get some rest for the night, ok?" he suggested gently holding her waist and leading her out the door.

Casey nodded. "I know, I'm just saying it because I'm upset I guess. I live for chaos usually. But even I can't handle it all the time. I can handle it after I have my 5 minute pity party." She gave him a half smile before burying her face in his chest again. "I hope you can help me make the pieces fit James." She decided that although she wasn't quite sure what role she wanted him to have yet, Casey knew she wanted James in her life.

Casey smiled as he kissed her forehead, letting him lead her out the door with his hand on her waist. She leaned her head on his chest as they walked. "Thanks James. For being here. It means a lot to me." Their contact felt natural to her, not weird, as they walked back up to the castle.

James stroked her soft brown hair while saying, "I will do what ever I can, to the best of my abilities." he closed his eyes for a moment and breathing deeply. So much had happened, since that morning. He never imagined he would fall for a girl like Casey, but he was glad he did. 'Being in love isn't so bad.' he thought to himself.

"I'll be here for you, for as long as you want me around, and even for the days you don't I'll probably be there anyways." He said laughing softly.

They walked back to the castle without any awkwardness, James noticed. He felt at ease with Casey next to him, especially after what had happened. Natural. Everything felt natural.